Why is it that in marriage, after separation or divorce, women are more stable than men?

I hate to generalise about people by talking about men v women. But here goes.

teddybear
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Comments (36)

In many marriages, and one of the big reasons for the divorce, is that the woman is doing all the mental and emotional labour. She’s the one paying the bills, planning the finances, making the doctor’s appointments, getting quotes from plumbers, doing the online shopping at midnight, remembering the in-laws birthdays, buying the gift for the teacher, knowing what days the teenager next door can babysit, etc etc etc

She’s also the one sympathising when he’s had a hard day, keeping the kids quiet when Daddy is working on a presentation, reminding him how much he loves bikes and suggesting he go for a spin to clear his head.

It’s exhausting and thankless and it’s a reason why many marriages end. No one wants to live with another overgrown child in the house when you thought you were getting an equal partner.

When they go their separate ways, she’s already used to doing all that stuff, except it’s actually easier now as she has fewer people to plan for. And he’s at a complete loss because he has to do stuff he hasn’t done in years and often he doesn’t even know he has to do it.wine peace teddybear
Very true
Thanks Ems hug
I was just sitting on my couch watching movie and just popped up on my head this quedtionwine
I don't receive mail from divorced woman..I think men would have a different take on this

hug
Hey Merc
You got one now wave Pls check your mail hug
Let's see who will be the first gentleman to comment laugh
peace teddybear
But it is a generalisation. But I think the male psyche is more prone to get back in the saddle syndrome, which can can have regression effect. In the case of an irresponsible male who already got maturity problems the effect is probably magnified greatly.
I totally agree. I love my papa dearly however, if he is to be separated from my mama, he would be at a loss. From when they wake up until they go to bed, he needs constant reminding of what he must do. Even those that are essential for his health. He got sick a few months back and if he is without a family, he'd just die. I'm not saying that he is irresponsible or anything, but he seemed to be very dependent on my mama for many things. Which I can say is also true for many other men.
Hey MsChell
It takes a lot of courage
for a woman to be that person they are.
I knew of some of your case.
Thanks for sharing wave handshake
Hey Metro
In my humble opinion which many marriages came to this point wherein couple struggle to keep them kicking is a given matter which shows that men in general or not to be fair
is the outcome of most broken marriage conversing handshake wave
I think also on a question like this people tend to pick a side like football team red or blue when approaching
an answer, depending on your experience or orientation.
You have the idea thumbs up
But getting back to the question would mean differently wine
Dunnu what part of he world you live in ysa, but here
it's more equal than that, I'd say.
For good n bad, but no prob here what u describe.
Men know how to cook, do laundry,
change dipers (if she's into that lol) and actually know how to get to
the pharmacie or doctor, also for his kids.

I'm happy thou if women come out on top if they pulled all the weight before.
Hey Grand
I think my place doesn't have to do with the question scold
That's a plus for men who is able to do that thumbs up you'll never get lost wave wine
What part of the world you live in might have something to do with it.
These things may be culturelle.

cheers
By the way have you seen Cramer vs Cramer?
Oh yes I love that movie
That applies in the big apple
Thhe right of the kid to sue his parents thumbs up wine
Are you a feminist ?
Hey gus
This is just a question that needs your best opinion that's all wave handshake
Women keep the house, the mates, the kids.. basically keep the same life minus the husband. It's the same routine in the whole.

But having to adapt and do these things new makes people very unhappy. It's the much higher degree of change that belies the unhappiness of a divorced man. It's a lot more alienating to lose this much way of life.
Hello Ysa,

I suspect you might be right about your statement in many cases....however, maybe not all. I really do not know...but to make the general statement you made, gives the impression that all women fair better than men do after a separation. With that said, having 100% (or all) of anything is very difficult to achieve. So with that logic, I will refer back to my opening sentence here.

To answer your question....I suspect it is probably because women have it a lot easier to find a replacement, compared to a man finding one.

So with that said....maybe immediately after a separation, women's mental state may remain more stable...if they find a new mate immediately. But, in the long term do they remain more stable? What I mean by that is....if they don't take time with being single for a while and assess what exactly lead up to the separation and their role they played in that....they will never learn from those past behaviors.

As much as people like to believe it was one person's fault or the other's...with the dissolution of a relationship....the fact is, both people in that relationship played a role in the breakup. If men become a bit unstable, remain single of a longer period than women....that is a great time for some introspection....to bring a much more stable self to the next future relationship. Thus....stabilizing the now unstable woman.laugh

dunno

wave
To some men marrying a woman is like acquiring a property; as soon as she becomes his wife, changes her home and name for him, he feels he owns her, has total control over her; imposing their ideology of love on them.

It started many years ago when men thought of women as property. In his mind he owned her just like a piece of land. When Americans were going out west to build a life they bought small pieces of land and sometimes a woman came along with it. It was a business deal, not falling in love.

Eventually he would learn to love her. If they divorced he not only lost her but he lost something that he owned.

In today's world when men and women divorce it is my opinion that the woman can move on easier than the man does. A man is hurt more deeply in a failed marriage. I'm not being callous when I say that. When a man loves a woman, really loves her, it comes from deep within his heart. In a divorce he feels defeated when he loses a woman that he loves.

So it doesn't surprise me that women are more stable after a divorce. He will continue to work and pay his bills but his heart is broken and he finds it difficult to move on to find love again.
Hello Ysa,

It's not one's gender that makes them more or less stable, it's the individual, and perhaps their situation.

I've known many guys who've moved on from relationships and found more success and happiness in the next one, or who've found themselves happier being single and just dating now and then. I've known women who've done the same.

I can't recall it being more or less difficult or stable due to gender alone. It just depends on each person.


And there you go! There's my two cents on this blog subject. Err, my 200 cents now, due to inflation. grin
CC

And that brings several types of emotions to the forefront for a family, and the children involved are no different. Feelings of loss,anger, confusion, anxiety, and many others, all may come from this transition. Divorce can leave children feeling emotionally sensitive.dunno

wave
@Johnny
Yes I am aware from this question itself we cant avoid some other issues that would relate from it
dunno I agree with you but something I just want to emphasize is the reality mostly in cases like this. But as you have mentioned either of the couple has their own reason why. Maybe their own way of coping from it. confused dunno wine wave
Men have much to juggle when they have a missus at home & an affair on the side so I suppose we should cut them some slack laugh

teddybear
I think that may have been true in the past but modern man seems to get back on the horse grin better these days. equality seems to have moved this on mercifully teddybear
One never knows when a totally natural but radical idea will hit you...welcome to a new state of normal and wait for the next "pop"!wine
Men in my land are usually slow to recover to loss. whether it be money, death of spouse or the big D men have had less support than women in the past and found it harder to recover or adapt to change sometimes because we've find it difficult to open up about feelings or deal with lost income. Maybe that is changing with all the non binary people and bun sporting men today. However, if the relationship was bad for the guy, we don't look back and move on quickly without that miserable rebound stuff. jest my humble opinion.
'get' not 'gut'

too lazy to proof read... sorry... still the same.
Exactly what I was trying to say but you said it better. applause
Secret
You've come to the conclusion which an eye opening to what is like to be in that situation thumbs up
Thank you for that nice insight cheers teddybear
Merc
A common denominator of a male species wine yes they dohug
Gal
And that I agree with you. By knowing some who went this stage I observe men hardly express their emotions and struggle to adapt post divorsewine cheers
Ex
Yes maybe it does something to do with the coping mechanism thumbs up hug
robrt

Okay I'll give you 5 cents for a contribution on the topic
I can't say otherwise dunno you're the experienced onelaugh Thank you my friendcheers
Condor
Yeah expect from me another popped up topic. Thank you for dropping by wave handshake
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