Gaslighting

What is gaslighting? It might be hard to describe if you're unfamiliar with the term. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and manipulation.
It occurs across different types of relationships — with someone you are dating or married to, with a work colleague or boss, or with a friend.
Gaslighting even happens in families.
Potential signs of gaslighting are important to recognize in any relationship.
Or even to be able to identify if you grew up in a household where you were gaslit by parents or other family members.
Once you identify gaslighting, you can take steps to regain your confidence and capacity to trust your own judgment.
A common place for gaslighting to show up is in romantic relationships.
By the way, the term "gaslighting" comes from a 1944 movie, Gaslight, in which a husband manipulates (gaslights) his wife into believing she is insane.
She's not insane but seriously questions her mental stability and identity because of her husband’s lies and stretching of the truth. She comes to doubt her own judgment and mistrust her instincts.
But gaslighting doesn’t just happen in the movies. It's a very real and serious form of manipulation and abuse.

The signs of gaslighting to watch out for with manipulators:

1. “You're overreacting.”

The manipulator makes statements that cause you to question your perception. He suggests you're "being too sensitive," "taking it too personally," or, "can’t take a joke." Or that you are simply "doing what you always do” by misinterpreting an innocent remark or even a compliment.
He wants you to feel guilty for misunderstanding what he was "really" saying. Meanwhile, the gaslighter refuses to take any responsibility. You're left feeling shamed, blamed, and humiliated in front of others.
For example, maybe you two are in a group chat with friends, deciding where to go for dinner. He "jokes" that no matter where you two decide to go, you'll find reasons to complain anyway. He adds that you're never happy, no matter what he does.

2. “I never said that.”

A classic example of gaslighting is for the manipulator to say they never said something that in fact they most certainly did say. The more they deny having said “X,” the more the other person questions themself. Is their memory failing? Are they losing a sense of reality?
As time goes on, more of these situations occur, and the more the person being gaslit is convinced that they are going insane. Questioning their sanity diminishes their confidence, self-esteem, and trust in their own abilities.
For instance, you two agree on certain plans for the weekend. When the weekend arrives, he claims he never ever agreed to any plans.
You even remind him where you two were when you had the conversation. He continues to deny that the conversation even occurred. He suggests perhaps you dreamt it, rather than it actually having happened.

3. “Are you calling me a liar?”

In this case, the denial of truth is more than “I never said that.” He may outright distort the truth, completely lie, or divert attention to his own suffering when pressed for the truth. By shifting the focus to himself, he turns the tables so that she becomes more concerned about his feelings than about her suspicions or observations.

For example, the gaslighter decides to go out with work colleagues at the end of the workday. He tells you he will be home by midnight. He ends up coming home at 2:00 a.m. When you confront him, he goes on and on about being delayed because his car broke down.
He shifts the conversation to how much the repairs will cost and how lucky he is not to have gotten hurt.
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Comments (5)

He should have said 3am then he would have been an hour early.

The one problem I see with gaslighting is the amount of depression and anxiety in general. The amount of suspicious minds. I would argue that the state has gaslit us into lockdown and social retarding, which has made people anxious, and because it's anxious it will go around making false accusations and making a big deal out of the wrong things. That's what fear and suspicion do and that's what people are before anything even happens.
Particularly in women they've just been proven that not getting a hug, a regular hug, makes them highly strung and suspicious of everyone they meet. Give into that completely and we have a world where everybody hates and despises one another. Not saying people don't gaslight it's just convenient for the powers that be if you view everyone around you with suspicion to get a snitch culture going.
Maybe the film came out in the 1940s because that manner of thinking is made for a world burning to the ground. A world where even the free society was half fascist, nothing but spies and tyrants everywhere.
But then you have the opposition to in a man like Hemingway with his open and trusting manhood.

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them"
Being paranoid is not OK, but being to gullible and naive even worse.
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Grapewine555

Kaunas, Aukštaitija, Lithuania

I am adventurous, well educated , interesting lady. I am here mostly for forums, polls, blogs, games, I like intelligent conversation, interested in history, news, countries. Not interested in big love or marriage. I am not wealthy , very frugal reti [read more]

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