Some things I’ve learnt along the way…(pt. 3)

Over the last 20-30 years or so, I’ve had some ‘eye-opening/mind-changing’ revelations about myself and my life. Some of those revelations are about my relationship with myself, with my immediate family, with ‘ex’ friends and with an ‘ex’ husband – and are very personal. Others were revealed to me through observations, mistakes and other challenges that I experienced along the way.


As a young adult, I was accused by one of my roommates (we were ‘student’ teachers at the time), of being very ‘absent-minded’. I can't recall exactly why that was an issue for her, but she was quite peeved. As the years passed, the accusation would come to my memory off and on, but it wasn’t really ‘analysed’ until many years later when I felt the need for some in-depth introspection (after my divorce). I realized along the way, that there were several, if not many things that I would do, unconsciously, that would either irk or surprise others. Some of these were/are: snoring, frowning, teeth-grinding, judging, controlling, etc. I’m certain that many of these were involuntary, and weren’t meant to offend/discomfit anyone, but that they did.

*The things that you do unconsciously, can get you into trouble. So, be mindful.


The older one gets, the less significant ‘romantic love’ appears as a major desire/driving force when dating, and the more attractive financial security gets, as one aspires towards being in a fulfilling relationship. Dating expectations may vary, but being extra careful about things like one’s health and financial resources for the future seem even more paramount than a ‘love match’, for most men in their late fifties (and some women), onward. As a romantic, I lament this change, but as a pragmatic, I understand it’s logic. When I was young, I felt invincible and everything was possible. As I got older, I became more sensible, thus, more careful.

*In later life, ‘love’ takes a back seat to ‘practicality’. C’est la vie.
sad flower wine
Post Comment

Comments (15)

wave Did
I don't think romantic love takes a back seat.
Just because we come to a stage/an age where somethings may matter more, does not mean to say passionate love, matters less.... To think that, I think could be an indication we think less of ourselves..jmo.
wave CW, my focus isn't from the point of my personal worth as it regards being deserving of romantic love, but from the point of what people seem to value more as they grow older. I've seen and heard the way that many of life's physical concerns overshadow emotional ones (such as romantic love).
For example, many people would rather that the person/s they date be financially independent/secure themselves, so as not to have to be depended upon to provide financial support to them. That would put a 'strain' on the relationship that romantic love may not survive.
I'm confused about what you want in life, it seems you are more preoccupied with what other people want or value, make your mistakes, you will anyway, no amount of advice I could give can change what you think, and
what you,,,,,,,YOU,,,, think is most important, because WHAT you think will determine your future. Take the bull by the horns and do what you want to do,, all I can see from your post is what you have seen and heard, what you need to do, is see and hear and ignore and be you. Dont be afraid because fear ends progressive life, don't look outside of yourself, and don't ever base your expectations on anything outside of yourself.
So, be true to YOU, and do what YOU want to do!
Best Wishes for your future.
Being aware of the affect our interaction has with others is good but not to the point where it overly troubles us.
If we are receptive to hints of our bad behaviour and our annoying habits that is a good thing because we can within reason rectify certain things for the sake of harmony. That is normal and we hope others are like minded.
You may remember our discussion on controlling behaviour. I still think that is something that needs some attention.
One shouldn't try to change others, unless it is really necessary. If your mindset is to change someone for the 'better' then this may be how you deal with your own 'flaws'. If someone tries to change you, that is not right, but if they hint or later strongly hint that something you are doing is socially bothersome then you may obsess over it.

Have I completely confused you now? laugh hug
Hello optimistic, thanks for your comments.

My blog isn't about "...what I want in life...". but about what I've learnt. Since I live in a world with other people, the effects of my interactions with others are important, and especially if those interactions are with persons within my 'sphere'. Whilst, I'm not, by nature, a 'people pleaser', I've learnt that I prefer to have harmonious relationships, and not antagonistic ones.
Everything cannot be just about ME. scold
wave Merlot...we 'meet' againsmile And no, you haven't completely confused me.
I totally agree with you when you said:

"Being aware of the affect our interaction has with others is good but not to the point where it overly troubles us. (still working on this part sigh)
If we are receptive to hints of our bad behaviour and our annoying habits that is a good thing because we can within reason rectify certain things for the sake of harmony. That is normal and we hope others are like minded."

As for the latter part of your comments, not so much. You see, for me, it's not about trying to change/control others, nor about others trying to change/control me. Rather, it's about me using what I've learnt from the past to change/control myself, but only according to what I think needs to be changed/controlled.
I do get what you are saying...
a young couple planning a family ideally look for a big house/home. later years when it's become an emptyNEST, down sizing could be more ideal, more realistic.

The " strain" I also understand but if you really like someone, what does it matter ... things change for better for worse but only you know if what makes you happy, is enough to keep you happy.

The way I see it is if you're not with someone you're happy to jump the bones of, you'll only end up fantasizing about burying his bones in the back garden instead, or worse..... what if the real man himself came along and you're not free to have him.
".... but if you really like someone, what does it matter ... things change for better for worse but only you know if what makes you happy, is enough to keep you happy."

I agree with you on this CW....thumbs up wine
Ok, you're the boss, but having something on your mind for 30 odd years has to have some significance.

I didn't comment on the 2nd part of your blog because 'Romantic Love' is more a womens thing.
So good luck sorting that out. uh oh
" more a womans thing" confused roll eyes
I mean how women think, I've no idea, so can't advise on that topic, I'll leave that to women to figure out.
laugh
When I was young, I felt invincible and everything was possible. As I got older, I became more sensible, thus, more careful.
thumbs up thumbs up

money runs the world. It is harsh, but it is a reality.
Wise man Merlot cowboy
Harmony comes from you, antagonistic comes from you, love comes from you, fear comes from you, everything comes from you, I'm not saying be selfish, what I have learned is that in the end its you that
matters, noone else can feel it if you have pain, noone else can die in your stead, be harmonious if you feel
you can, be not antagonistic, but in this sphere you are solely you.
Post Comment - Let others know what you think about this Blog.
Meet the Author of this Blog
Didi7online today!

Didi7

Central, Chaguanas, Trinidad and Tobago

I am a mature, self-secure Christian woman who enjoys the simple things in life such as watching interesting movies and comedy shows, sharing in great food (whether I cooked or not, lol!), and good conversation.

I'm not a great cook, but I am goo [read more]