Loving the wrong man.. A GAY guy.. Pt 2

My love for his was to the extend, no dating with other man, waiting for him to come home everyday, massage him as i know he's tired after all the long flight. Do face spa almost everytime.from Ironing, to cleaning to cooking to all. And what I requested was an appreciation from him and his love. But things just got worst, he started taking things for granted.

Brought his boyfriend home and I am not allowed to leave the room until he is done with them. And sometimes I am being left alone because he said he needed some privacy which he finds it was difficult as i was staying with him. Then he started coming out with rules, i am not allowed to use his towels, no wearing his t-shirt, do not call him darling, do not ask kisses or hugs, as all this irritates him alot..

How would you react when the man that know how much you loves him, comes out with rules and regulation and how you should behave when you are with him..And still dating other girl MAN at the same time, but doesn't allow you to go out with other man.
Knowing the fact that dating other man only will upset him, I decided not to.I followed every single rule he set as I do not want him to be get upset, depress or stress because If I love someone, I only want them to be happy. I never once asked for a status or to be in a relationship with him. All I wish was to see him happy and hopes that someday he will love me..

I once asked him, does he really love all the boyfriends? He said no it was just a fling. Then I asked him whether does he loves me and he always avoid that question. I guess He didnt want to hurt me but at the same time I knew he needs me as a friend in life. I just couldnt separate the love and friendship. He could kiss the guys easily and when it comes to me, I have to beg for it, YES BEG FOR IT, how pathetic can that be, and most of the time I would get a reply from him "you have to earn it Sue." I don't understand what do I need to do to earn a tiny kiss or hug from a man I truly love.

As time goes by, i started to feel very depressing to stay with him as he started to rule everything and I do not have many choice but to obey every single rules he sets. But deep inside it hurts alot..

Lets see, knowing the fact that he is gay, I fell for him is depressing enough as he dates other MAN instead of woman. Not getting laid and sleeping beside him would make me wonder which part of me is not attractive enough that he didn't want to touch me at all. Cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, massaging and treating him like a king, makes me feel im just like a maid who falls for the master, difference is that I do not get paid and I only serve him instead the whole family or housemate. Not enough with all this, on top of that, I would need to bear with him getting laid with another MAN while I am in the room waiting for them to finish up their "business" out there.

On top of all that, I would need to beg to earn a kiss from him and I have to make him really happy with all the massages and if he does, I get my kiss. How pathetic is all that?and worst, I do it without asking anything in return. Tell me how hurtful is that... With all the things I gave in,the treatment, the sacrification,it all went to drain just like that... barf

Cont.. Part 3... :)
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created Jun 2010
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