A part of me

A part of me will always feel this deep and utter loss. A part of me will never heal, for it is deadened by pain and grief. I was only a child, growing into a woman, when I was told my mother had passed away.
My birthdays have never been the same, for she died 10 days before I turned 18. A part of me died that day along with her. I felt cheated, angered, nobody understood. My dad never expressed emotion and would always be sure we would never do the same. Everytime I would get emotional I would run to my room, as to not show my tears.
Emotions are a part of who I am, it expresses my true self. For deep within I have this desire to have a family, but would never cross the boundries, nor have I found a willing partner willing to wait and respect me for who I am and what I stand for.
I often tell others to be thankfull if they are fortunate to still have their mothers or fathers around. I still have my dad and thank God everyday. My dad was never into saying I love you, so I don't express it with him as if I would if my mom were still around. I often tell her I love her and miss her when I am feeling sad and alone.
She will always live within my heart, but I need to learn to let part of her go so I can move on with my life. She knows the desires of my heart, and I know she is looking down upon me now and smiling. If she could talk to me I know she would tell me everything is going to be just fine, and the best is yet to come so await for it's arrival for your miricle is soon to be.
Lots of love and goodnight to all, and may you have a blessed week ahead.
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My mother is also dead, and I think she was the only person who truly loved me, and I also think that everyone who still has his/her mother is so lucky. It’s easier at days but at nights I often dream of her, like she is real and I am trying to touch her and ask her not to leave me but she becomes less clear and dissolves anyway and I scream and cry in my dream. Sometimes I just feel her, like I am little and at home and she is sitting at the end of my bed but when I open my eyes she disappears. Sometimes I talk to her when I walk alone in the forest, tell her everything what I think about different things and about my life and imagine that she can hear me and what she would answer. Her own mother, my grandmother died when she was only 6 months she never had a chance to know her. But we are fortunate anyway to know and remember our mothers.hug hug
My birthday ias on Christmas. My Dad thought it was great and there was a party every Christmas night. My mother thought nothing of it , One more thing to do for christmas day she had a boy and a girl and another baby so soon after, she was not that excited about. She and I were never close. My Dad filled that gap and I was always his shadow. I had two little ones who he adored 'till the day he died and they,him. He had his first heart attack. We in the family never said I love you,much. After his heart attack I was so scared I would lose him, that when I left the hospital and he was stabilized I kissed him on the forhead and said I love you, Dad, You can't leave me and he said Where do you think I'm going jokingly. Anytime after that, when I left him for the next 6 years I kissed his forhead and said I love you. It took him about two times of that and he would always reply I love you too. I suggest you do that with your Father. He just might surprise you as mine did me and secretly appreciate it. He died six years later and I didn't get to see him before that. I was supposed to be there,but the day just got away from me and I thought I'd go over to their house in the evening, I was too late. So try that. There is no warning or directions on how to lose a parent. Bless you. Hollywave comfort
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by Unknown
created Jun 2010
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Last Commented: Aug 2010

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