PLEASE HELP ME...TO HELP HIM...
Again I look to you, the reader for advice....How does one help somebody that knows he has a drinking problem? He wants to help himself and yet doesnt have that strength..
He lost his 7 year old boy to a sudden illness..4 days before his little boys birthday..I know what pain he is going through, as I too lost my little boy..but I thank God that I never turned to the bottle for comfort.
this man has such a good, kind, loving and gentle nature when not drunk or drinking..he is the kind of man that a girl could be proud of..if he wasnt drinking..
I really like this man..he, to me, is a good man..would i want to make a life with him..in this frame of mind...NO..but id like to try and help him find himself..maybe help him onto the right path and in time he too can find piece within...
Am I wrong in standing by a person that i see no future unless help is given? Im confused as to how I should work through this with him..because I do believe that it must come from his side first..he knows he has a drinking problem and he wants to stop..but just doesnt know how..
15 years ago i went through the same kind of thing with an x of mine..he hid the fact that he had a drinking problem so well that when i moved in..I was still very much in the dark..but as time went on..it came out..I tried to help ..we split..he got involved again..they had a fight while he was drunk..he took the gun and shot himself..how does one live with that thought??
I dont want to see another good man...turn to nothing!!!
Comments (13)
"Once a drunk, always a drunk"
I'd run like hell in the opposite direction to him if I were you
It teaches you that you CANNOT do anything, except learn to cope.
They can only heal themselves. Learn, NOT to be an inabler, that is the most important part.
Good luck and get the phone book out!.
This is a lifetime for us to heal ourselves. We can't do anything to help another person unless they are taking steps themselves to heal. If they just keep whining about their problem but continue the behavior, then there is really nothing you can do unless you are okay with drowning with them.
If it were me, I would remain being a not too close friend ( in other words not a person he dumps on) and keep encouraging him to grieve his son and to get professional help.
The loss of his son has obviously triggered off a severe bout of depression; and hence the drinking. At least he acknowledges the problem and it's out in the open. At this stage, AA meetings would be a complete waste of time............ he has to do something about that black mongrel dog hanging around. It's a catch 22 situation...... the depression can be treated; but only if he's off the grog.
I guess the main thing you can do is to keep giving him love, support and encouragement. And let him know in no uncertain terms that he's got two choices: It's either you..... or the bottle.
Otherwise it will only get worse. I wish you well.
He still is.
There is nothing we can do to change them, no matter how kind, loving, and supportive we are. As others here said, they have to take the hand of change themselves and not just talk about it or say how sorry they are.
I know, I KNOW that they would be so wonderful if only they didn't drink, BUT THEY DO, and it causes all kinds of problems and suffering, especially in the intimacy area.
Unless he takes action himself, I wouldn't hope for him to stop drinking any time soon, and it will impact your life because you will be dragged along with it.
Take good care of you because sadly he won't until he is free.
I think you are a wounderfull person for what you are trying to do, but dont forget about you dear, life will go on
The Doctor is right on the Button!
If the Man is willing,AA is most likely the best place for him!
He can't deal with the other Issues,unless he gets off the Sauce.
Been there done that too many times.
Sadly,not all of us make it.
Tue Jun 15, 2010 7:30 PM
If he is that bad,he needs Medical Treatment.
An Alcoholic CANNOT stop gradually!