Finding The Meaning of Me Again

Ok, now a lot of messages I receive on here are of unbelief why I'm even on this site. Allow me to enlighten everyone please for a moment. I at one point was in a "commited" relationship that lasted a year and a half. Yes I said committed but just recently come to terms that it was only a one person relationship. He cheated on me mentally with someone who claimed she was my friend. She is who I refer to as a pinto (the car pinto). Long story cut down to size..... he fell in love with this pinto and chose the playboy channel over me. I was blinded by 5he concept that he lost his son the "exact" same way I lost mine so who else to better understand than someone who's been down the very same road.
During my relationship with the cheater, I had a breakthrough. After being belittled, downgraded, and ignored, I realized that I didn't have to take that crap anymore. When he pushed me into our kitchen sink so hard, I slapped him in self defense. Not thinking anything more about it, he then drew his hand back as far as he could and open handed me in my face. I was told I looked like a whore in the outfit I had on that day (the photo on my profile shows the outfit) . I was just tired of it all. Mainly of his behavior in front of two of my children. Tired of him throwing things, forcing locked doors open, drunken moments which occured most of the time. But also and moreso tired of not being cherished and loved like I deserved.
When I love, its all or nothing, no halfway.
I then decided that is rather love someone and leave having a broken heart than stay in a bad relationship where the partner has no love for me.
As I told him, "I love you, but I love me more"

So I'm finding me again, its what I deserve.
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Comments (16)

I will stop to the following:
When he pushed me into our kitchen sink so hard, I slapped him in self defense. Not thinking anything more about it, he then drew his hand back as far as he could and open handed me in my face.

My dear friend.
I don't want to disappoint you, but I will tell you this:

A man, A TRUE MAN who respects primary himself , NEVER hits a woman, not even with a flower !!!

This behavior of his, shows other things!!!
I've seen this "movie" several times !!!!

wine handshake
Good for u girl I'm going through some terrible stuff now ill tell ya later stay strong
Proud of you well done.

Its not easy been on your own but like you I rather be in a relationship with someone that loves me 100% and if he can't give me that better off on my own.

Love yourself I have a saying men may come and men may gone but the only person that stays is you.

angel teddybear
Makis summed it up well. A true man would never hit ANY woman. Also, I think you should be blamed too for you didn't care to find out about his psychotic mental health while deciding to be with him him and further kept putting up with his violent baheviour.
oh my! Good u realize to end it!!
Im juz sad that u wait until he hurted u physically!
If i were u,, then he hit me,, n0t only slap on his face i can give..i would hit his face with a baseball bat, then find a big axe and chop his hands and feet....

Oh.d0nt ya wory,,it juz happen n tv!

That's really scary! make sure you clarify to him it's not a hint grin
You not only deserve to find you.... but to be treated well.
No one should ever tolerate abuse.
May your happiness bloom. bouquet
I am sorry to hear that. And I can not believe somebody can hit somebody in this way. Perhaps I don't have wide knowledge and experience.

Being hit physically may be painful, but being cheated or being hurt mentally is more painful. Time will help you to forget the sad things and if you are brave enough to face the new life, then your life must be better and better.

Only when we make mistakes can we become better and stronger.
am very sorry to hear your story ...

still ... "I love you, but I love me more" sounds pretty selfish to me .....

roll eyes
When I told him that, it was only after the abuse started and it just meant that no matter how.much I loved him, I loved "me" enough to not let myself be abused anymore and leave. So if that means I'm being selfish, then so be it.
"I love you, but I love me more"

I think it is very logical and sensible.
yeah, good for you for waking up to his crap. what a total douchebag handshake
Just keep on loving yourself sweetheart!! You deserve better and keep remembering that fact!! Abuse is disgusting, cowardly and wrong!! Thanfully not all guys are like him. I hope you find what/who you're looking for and deserve.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. Detach yourself from your life situation and move on.

Read a few good books to help you find yourself:

The Power of NOW - Eckert Tolle

Happier Than God - Neale Donald Walsch

Enjoy ...

call me if you wish to chat.


It's all in the signs. Whenever someone "throws things around," see a major red flag.
When I read this it make me feel realy sad down deep inside moping and wondering why a man would do such dumb and very mean things to a woman that is in love him so very much dunno ,

Good for you for kicking him out the door into the street because that kind of behavor is not need in front of your kids or for yourself and in the long run now & years from now, you will feel better that you did kick him out because you & your kids don't need a man that brings so much pain & suffering to your lives , You & your kids do deserve better

Personly I don't like any man abusing a woman and that any man [with God's eyes watching] should all get along with the woman that he should do truly love and support, To me this makes us good guys look so bad .frustrated
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created Jul 2010
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Last Commented: Jul 2010

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