Settling versus The One

I've often wrestled with if it's better to wait a long time alone hoping to find The One or is it better to enjoy the company of somebody that can enhance your life even though they might not be eveything you were hoping to find?

If you actually did find your perfect match it would certainly go along way towards erasing the loneliness you experienced in the waiting, but at what price? Plus, what if you never find The One? I certainly don't want to be on my death bed looking back on a life of might-have-beens because I chose to abstain from relationships that might have not been optimal, but were never given a chance to grow and blossom.

So on the other hand we have what a lot of people view as Settling. Choosing to enter a relationship that has flaws to not be alone. Loneliness is a heavy burden and can lead to out right depression. Is not being alone reason enough to accept some flaws in a partner that you'd ideally rather not have to? When discussing this with others it has been pointed out that if only one partner is Settling then it may be unfair to the other because it is like one person is using the other.

In my life I've certainly been out with people where I've told myself, "This isn't gonna work." Sometimes you stayed too long because of the sex or to avoid being alone. Still, in my most important relationships I went in head first and they certainly seemed like they were the relationship to end all relationships. The search was over. Well, here I am on OK Cupid so you know they didn't work out quite the way I had intended.

Even so, all my major loves made my life better, though some might have left a bitter taste in my mouth and left me emotionally wrecked I still walked away a changed person. And for the most part those changes were to my long term benefit as well as the benefit of others I might meet along the way.

So, I guess for me I'd rather have someone filling my day with laughter and memories than trying to go it alone with nothing, but emptiness. I see a lot of profiles on this site were they refuse to Settle again and only want the perfect guy for them - The One. There is nothing wrong with having goals and dreams. That is certainly something worthwhile to aspire to. I, on the other hand, being in my 40's and chubby, having put aside my pride and ego to be on an online dating site, would rather look for someone to spend time with now instead of waiting on a mythical lady that may not exist.

I can survive alone in this world if I have to, but the things that give me enjoyment mean so much more to me when I can share them with someone else. Why snuff out all possibilty of happiness? Give a relationship with flaws a chance to be nurtured and grow. We, as humans often can't see the forest for the trees. Maybe it's possible to find a diamond in the rough. Maybe The One was right there in front of me all along, but I was afraid of Settling and lost my chance. Well, I'm tired of being alone. I'm willing to give someone a chance if they'll give me one.

See what being alone does? Gives my thoughts too much time to ramble. LOL!
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Comments (2)

Aye surely, what about ya. Ask yerself this boyo, if you find a heifer who is willing to have a relationship with you, who is not perfect but is willing, is she then not the perfect lass for you? Since you just described yerself as willing to settle for less now that days a yonder have passed.

Yera, I'll tell you this now and I'll tell you no more, if t'is looks you were seeking, that beauty won't make the pot boil. Even if you mean to tell me now today that a beggar such as yerself can't be a chooser and you're willing to settle for that bit less, i'll tell ya this, even black hens lay white eggs me bucko.

Now that we left our youth behind, tis wiser we'd be getting. But when it comes to women for every man of every race and breed, there's only 3 type of men that don't understand a them, and that's the young, the middle aged and the auld. wink



Hello freestew,
We all think and that isnt a bad thing however what we think can be especially if it is our thoughts that create our realities and futures just as every person we meet prepares us for the next person we are going to meet.
I hope the fact you put your thoughts into words has given you some clarity as to where you are in your life.

Life is a mirror, what happens to a person on the outside is a reflection of what is going on on the inside. Any person that comes into ones life is a reflection of an aspect of ones self on the inside.Such aspects can be related from the love we express to ones self to being related to feelings and beliefs of fear,guilt and resentment that people may carry with them and that need healing.It is the people we meet and have relationships with that give us the opportunity to change,heal and grow if that is what we so desire which is why they say love is the only healing feeling there is so lets face it we cant get from anyone else what we dont first give to ourselves.

There are some great books out there and if you ask the universe for guidance it will guide you through your intuition or gut feeling.. For example: One day many years ago I was looking for guidance and enlightenment in getting to know myself better and so went and stood in the local library,I asked,I listened and I received next thing I was standing in front of a book by Carl Jung titled "Memories Dreams Reflections."

Best wishes ..
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created Jul 2010
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