Communication is key-I lost the key

So, ya know how they say communication is key? I lost my key. I keep patting my emotional pockets and all I find there is old poetry begging for a daughter, belly button lint that has somehow strayed, and thousands of IOU`s. Drat. Where`s that damn key? Did I drop it down the drain? Did it buy an airline ticket and hightail it out of here? Did it, pardon the pun, get locked up?
Allow me to explain why I lost the key.

Talking to people has never been my strong suit. At least people I`m not close to, or have known for years. It takes a lot of trust to get the deep down nitty gritties out of me, and to hide my insecurities I talk dirty. I`m not talkin` cyber sex dirty, just funny banter and flirting with an edge, and I have problems saying no because I`m not very strong. I`m getting better, but not there yet.

So when I meet this new guy, who is able to get out "The" most deep pain out of me, I can`t tell him something that bothers me. And so, I lost that key. I keep writing in my head how I`ll tell him but I chicken out and I can`t bring it up. Maybe it`s because of the experience I have with trying to get my dad to quit smoking since I was about 12, and he still hasn`t. He keeps saying he should but life`s too stressful right now.

My hopefully new bf, is a "bacco" chewer, and it`s bad for his health, and he knows it. He says it`s a bad thing to do. I don`t know yet if I`m 100% head over heels in love with him, but I know he loves me. I do care about him, so why can`t I muster the courage to let him know if he wants to love me, he`s gotta love himself first? I made it plain to him that I knew in my perfect mate, I didn`t want him to do any sort of unhealthy substances. Wouldn`t it be implied then that I don`t like it?

*sigh* Maybe I just can`t tell him because I`m afraid he`ll take it badly and I`ll be alone once more.

I pride myself in understanding psychology and yet I can`t figured this one out. I`m like a fish out of water. I could easily do this by writing a letter because then the words come easy and my emotions really flow. Maybe I should try that, he loves my poetry and songs.

At times like these, I wish I had my own place so I could crank up the Carol King, Janis Joplin, Linda Ronstadt, Fleetwood Mac, Carly Simon, Cindy Lauper...*sigh* I love being an old soul, but it`s music like this that helps the heart beat stronger and lets the emotions out of the closet.

-soquili meaning horse in Cherokee quay meaning lady in Ojibwe
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Comments (5)

maybe you should ask if he has ever thought seriously about quitting and go from there . no ultimatums not a good idea at all . but good luck .
Oddly enough, of all the things I've been nagged about over the years, smoking wasn't one of them.

And I use the word "nagged" because this what probably worries you.

Maybe it's best to just keep dropping a little hint every now and then. Like when ya having a smooch or something. Whatever ya do, don't come down too heavy just yet.

Good luckcheers
Your ability to make change in a person is directly relevent to your own indispensibility to that person..... However you create a want to be needed by that person, will ultimately decide your success in making changes that they otherwise would not make themselves..... The method you employ in communicating your desires is equally contingent on your indispensibility....
For example: If you are a millionaire, and he's unemployed getting ready to have his truck repossessed you can nag the hell out of him everyday, and chances are you'll be successful...it may cost you abit in supporting him through his hard times, but he will change.....lol
Most of the time we expect someone to initiate changes that are distasteful to us because they love us... if that is the only premise for your indispensibility, and he does not make the changes, perhaps you need to find someone who would more consider your needs, as part of his own...... hug
Is this the guy you met on craigslist like two days agodoh

You lost more then the keyconfused I think you may have lost your mind.
LMAO I was born a** first telling the world to kiss my a**. I was about 2 wks early cuz mom rode a roller coaster at 6 flags. Needless to say, I think I lost my mind right before I was born.

But anyways, no I didn`t just meet him through CraigsList 2 days ago. I met him a few weeks ago. Just like any place on the internet there are scams and there is honesty. Trust me, when you`re lonely, those guys living in their mothers basements playing XBox or PS3 or World of Warcraft really start looking sexy. I almost emailed that guy lmao But I got lucky and found Jordan. Or I should say he found me.
He now has an inkling that there`s something on my mind and is trying to pry it out of me, knows why I`m afraid to tell him, but I was much too nervous to bring it up and I almost killed myself. I fell and damn near cracked my head open lol. I told him when I`m ready I`ll let him read my blogs :P Uh...not ready yet. Not even ready to get laid, and I`m a very s*xual person. Oddly. And it`s been too damn long!!! *laughs* ok...I`ve gone insane for the night...rolling on the floor laughing
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soquiliquay

soquiliquay

Ashland, Wisconsin, USA

I've given up on dating. I'm too old to care about it now, with what I want in life. A lot of men take decades to decide if they want marriage and children, and before said time they won't bother to actually talk to me. So I intend to have children o [read more]

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created Aug 2010
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