ON THE ROAD AGAIN!!! AGAIN!!!I woke up- alone again, on the road again. I don’t need coffee anymore, I don’t need cigarettes, things that I thought are enough to have a wonderful morning before. What’s the world without tenderness, caress, natural feelings or initial love? A simple routine, a sign of a bloody hell or just a transition between life and death? And who are you gonna take this long journey with? Alone?... I turn on the computer. Open first my music player and load “ Have a little faith in me” by John Hiat… And here I am again, on the road again, on CS again, writing a Blog. For what, for who?
People are made to look for, find, give or just wander in the darkness searching their own happiness in the soul of a fellow human being. How could you understand if you meet the right person? If he or she is exactly in front of you but you are roaming, blind eyes can’t distinguish him or her? You may say…listen to your heart, it never lies…But how could you know if it’s more frustrated, confused or lost than every other part of your body? The music player stops. I load the same song again. And even I don’t need the f*cking cigarettes and the f*cking coffee, I take them with open arms, because I don’t have what to take in my arms… again. On the road again. Betrayed again…
Sooner or later you make your choice…your choice forever …stimulated by the “sincere, truly” heart-breaking declaration of love from the side of your “lover”. You can mislead all the world around you saying whatever you want but you can never lie to yourself, your own soul… Words are nothing or almost nothing they can only express cursory positions or just stupid clichés repeated again and again….till the earth is turning. You waste your time, your life, your dignity, your gifts…your will to do something in this world, to experience your own unique life so as you feel any satisfaction. Here it is, the cigarette is over… again, the road is still so long… again… And I have the opportunity to buy a pack of cigarettes or to stop it forever. And I know that it doesn’t matter because I will be still alone… SATISFACTION!
Is there someone making you smile, trying to calm you down when “the world is on your shoulders”? Understanding and trust? “Is that so much to ask for?”- I say. The music player stops again. I stop again. I always make that mistake, to stop just because someone disappears from my life forever, without saying goodbye.
Finally I understand that things have changed, my positions are inverted. I am totally fond of a beautiful mirage created by my own consciousness- an ideal illusion absolutely pure and innocent but unreal… what a terrible dreamer I am, or a simple fool, lost her mind in her own insane imagination! ! !
Who says today “ Have a little faith in me? “ Do you?