EL: Those Who are Really behind You
I feel quite hurtful when TT ignores me after she got married.She got married in April. From then on, she seems to disappear among us. Before she got married, I would see her 2 or 3 times in a year when I came back. But after she got married, I haven't seen her and got few chances to hear from her.
She says she is extremely busy, busy with her husband, busy in visiting her husband’s family and relatives, busy in joining her husband’s friends circle…
I asked DD and RR whether they had heard of TT. DD, RR, TT and I were good friends in high school. They said no, they hadn’t heard of her for ages.
This time when I came back, I bought a gift for TT. But she told me she would visit her husband’s relatives and friends in other city so could not join me.
Yes, I can understand that she tries to get along well with her husband’s family and friends, but--- I am one of her friends too.
She just knows her husband’s friends for a short time but her husband’s friends are more important than me.
First I felt I shouldn’t split hairs on such kind of minor things. But when YY knew it, she also said what TT does is not what a good friend should do.
YY is one of my good friends. She shared her stories of blind dates with me. I guess that is what good friends should do, to share the happiness and sadness, to learn and encourage each other.
Today I read KAI-FU LEE’s 15 advices to the young girls. One if them is: Never lose your friends circle or ignore your family after you find your lover, because if he leaves, it is exactly your friends and your family who are really behind you.
Well… That is so true. Molly has very few friends. So her ex asked her to build her own friends circle and not rang him all the time. Now her ex has left her. She feels so lonely.
Comments (27)
hi hugh1. yes i got your opinion. thank you.
actually i haven't seen TT since september, 2009. before, i would see her 2 or 3 times in a year when i came back my hometown, because after high school, we have been in different cities. most of the time, we talked online.
this time i came back and wanted to see her very much. i missed her. i bought a gift for her too. but..
move to different place, be busy with our work and life, so do not have many times to contact the old friends... yes, that is the way we lose our friends.
I’m afraid I agree with Hugh.
And I think this is also “The way of the world”
JMO, anyway.
but i guess i haven't said that friends should see each other day by day.
there is some difference between "not seeing you for a long time" and "forget you completely".
actually i feel pity for my this friend. because she forgets her friends circle, so her friends circle will forget her in the future.
if she remembers me only when she divorces, then i hope she will never remember me.
i also wonder what kind of friends they are if they remember you only when they need your help.
just my opinions.
That why I said, this is kind of “The Way of the World”.
We sometime can’t do/or don’t have enough time to do ALL whatever we want to do.
Maybe she wants to see you but there is no time, for example.
Same as me here, I’m too busy for working, studying, there was one time, my closest friend since we were in high school, whom I didn’t meet long time ago, wanted to see me for coffee or hang out, but I could not manage to meet her. Day after, she called me and cried on phone for some reasons. I jumped to meet her and cancelled all of my curent agendas!!
but i am still waiting for her call. i hope when she is free from her husband's friends, she can remember me and message me.
you know, every word a friend says to you may be the last word he / she says to you in this life. every time you see a friend may be the last time you can see them. i don't want to lose this good friend in this life.
she hasn't used me. she just forgets me and her friends circle after got married.
hi mimi.
Yes, i understand. i can understand that we are too busy to meet each other. i am so busy that i can not meet her too. but i do not forget her. i remember her. just she forgets me. forget DD, RR, which is her friends circle. so when i asked DD and RR if they had heard of TT, both of them said "no".
anyway, i am going to sleep. wish me have a good sleep!!
OK, if so, my best suggestion is... forget her too! :-)
I also need to sleep.
Good night!
forget her? yes, YY, DD and RR all said the same things.
but i guess i will choose to forgive her rather than to forget her.
and i will past her the link to KAI-FU Lee's 15 advices.
and i find it quite common that those who find their lovers will forget their friends in a sense.
but i think KAI-FU LEE’s advice is right: Never lose your friends circle or ignore your family after you find your lover, because if he leaves, it is exactly your friends and your family who are really behind you.
oh she is much smarter than me.
who are you before this profile? you seem to appear recently but you seem to know us very well.
btw, hv a nice weekend, dont be sad anymore, i used to be in this situation when my closest friend got married 6-7 yrs ago, she always miss me, but she cant spend more time for me, she hv to take care of her children & husband, then i can sympathize with her, and farmilliar with the changes, i think time is the most faithful friend of us,...
enjoy your life, find your soul mate the soonest, get married, then finish all,... love janmei,
yes, that is the way friends become strangers. you know, when you haven't seen a friend for a long time, but you know they remember you, then you won't feel so lonely. but if a friend has already forgotten you, even though you meet them in the street, you will still feel very lonely.
have a nice weekend! i am going out to join my friends! so see you later!!
hi mike. well i read your latest blog and find that CT has recognized you. well..
no. it is just some casual words. not a novel.
well i have other friends too. not just her.
Basing on my REAL experience, what I can say is… you are right at one of your comment somewhere on this blog. Of you can’t, or don’t choose, to forget her, then, forgive her, that way you will feel better.
Take care.
"Of you can’t, or don’t choose, to forget her, then, forgive her, that way you will feel better."
= "If you can’t, ..."
I hope one day she will remember me and talk to me. I am always on her side.
Hi nice and easy.
Yes. Not reply on our messages, not reply our phone call, not talk to us anymore. Sometimes we wonder if we have done something wrong that makes them angry… but actually it is very simple: they forget us.
So I said, sometimes, the last word a friend said to us may be the last word they said to us in this life. When turning around, they will go further and further, only leaving a shadow or a memory.
Sometimes you stare at their phone number, their msn, their email, or their blogs, and can not see them active for a long times, you will wonder in your heart: Where have they been? What have happened to them? Are they well?
I guess that is something call… “miss”, which contains two meanings: to think about somebody, and to lose them forever.
I hope you can get over soon. Take care!
today it becomes more like autumn. the sunshine is gentle, the wind is cool. autumn is always a good season.