A Sunday full of nothing

I am very ambivalent about housework. It is one of the more frustrating things in life, like eating, you cannot do it once and for all and have done with it . Yet there is the instant gratification of seeing a change.

Washing the car, on the other hand, is a task I love. I invariably get soaked and filthy doing it and throw myself into it with such gusto that I sweat enough to leave salt crystals on my skin as the sun evaporates the moisture.

Today I washed and polished and reorganised the boot, all my essential fluids neatly boxed, the air compressor, the jack and various tools, the useful funnels for guiding those essential fluids where they belong, the neat bulb thing for topping up the battery cells, spare light bulbs, spare fuses, all in one place and the spare as clean as the tyres on the car.

I, of course, am wilted and sweaty but happy. just cooling down a bit so I can give myself a thorough skin brushing before my shower and also replacing the water I have poured into the air.

I have decided to push the limits of my fast today and just drink water, no juices. I checked in with a doctor friend first to see just how much damage I could do and the answer was none. Apparently one can fast until there is a deep feeling of hunger at which point it is time to return to eating as that is the point that fasting becomes starving, a condition that leads to death.

Anyway, one day on water alone is not going to do me any harm and I am curious to see if I can do it. It is eight days since I have had solid food and I feel remarkable. It is actually a bit of a struggle to come and write here because my spirit tugs me outside, it wants to interact with nature and with people but the writing too is part of the discipline.

Naming the things I do and feel gives me full ownership and responsibility, grounding me firmly in who and what I am. By midweek my joints stopped aching and the dragging tiredness I have lived with for years was gone completely.

Of course I had a pounding headache and my mouth tasted like something had crawled in there and died but that passed by the fifth day and now my gums are clinging tightly to my teeth, no bleeding when I floss. Many trigger points that were too sensitive to touch are painless while others have subsided enough for me to work them and release the tensions I am holding.

I have become simplified. happy, sad, angry, tired. No overtones just simple recognisable feelings that flow in and out, not staying long, just ripples on a deep abiding sense of...nothing is the only word that fits. A good nothing. Cloud drifting nothing. Stream babbling nothing. the closest I can get to defining it - hampered somewhat by the fact that I am not particularly bothered if I cannot define it - is that I have no opinions, no judgment, no commentary in my head. just nothing.

Kind of like my whole digestive system lots of nothing!
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by Unknown
created Jan 2008
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