Settling and Toe Nails

I have a friend that thinks that people spend way to much time going on about what they don't want in a partner. But that most of us have never thought about just what we would put up with. What we would "settle for" in another words. There are certain words that make me cringe. Molestation, hunger, abuse, mother, shopping, and I would have to say that "settling" is right up there with those. But let's throw that corpse on the table and have a poke at it, shall we?

Just what am I willing to do? To be honest, I'm stumped people. There are so many varying levels of repulsiveness and grey areas, I find myself afraid to commit anything onto paper. What about someone who will never cook? I could do that, no problem. Can't or won't to laundry? Sure, I could handle that. All in all, I don't think it's the day to day living that is the deal breaker. I think it's the little things. The lack of common courtesies in life that many of us find so unbearable.

Not rinsing out the tub, knowingly tracking mud through the house and pretending it doesn't matter, always leaving the gas tank on empty. The assumption that the other person will always take care of it. It's when love become a burden. When it seems the other persons need are not nearly as important as our own.

I actually fell for someone online once. And during that time of incredible fun and magic we got to know each other. I found that, here was a man who took care of things. Willingly, quickly, and in the best way of all. His mantra seemed to be that, if it is to be a gift of love, there should be no guilt for the other person at all. I found this to be a huge turn on to say the least. I could mention something in passing, and BANG, it was taken care of. What a freeing way to live. But I also found that when the tables were turned, the favor could not be repaid.

When he needed help, had some huge thing to take care of, he wandered off into his cave. It leaves the other person feeling stunned and useless. It was just him he said, how he dealt with his problems. He was a man's man and needed to take care of things on his own. It's how he has always been and it wasn't likely to ever change. I had to do some hard thinking.

Was this something I could live with? The sitting there alone, wondering, worrying and waiting? Wanting to help and needing to keep my mouth shut? In his defense, I STINK at keeping my mouth shut. And he tried to be patient while I struggled to figure out how to give him what he needed. (and learn patience at the same time.) And I really think I almost had it.

But it did force me to think about what I was willing to "settle" for. And I now know that I can give someone the space and time to take care of what they need to do, but not without the security and knowledge that they are coming back.

But isn't that the way it always works? You find what you can live with, handle, and settle for. But there is always a condition attached at the end. I can do this IF.....

I KNOW what I want in a man. He needs to crack me up. I want to blow coffee out my nose at least once a day. Be someone that I find physically attractive. Who has his own hobbies and joys in life. I want to find him interesting too. Someone who needs me as much as I need them. Someone who tolerates me even when I drive them nuts. Who can let it all hang out in a fight, but fight fair as well. That no matter what happens in our lives, he always comes home in the end.

But the question remains. What am I willing to settle for? I think, for me at least, it depends on the man in question. Some men are just WORTH more toleration than others. Too long toe nails on an incredible man? I can look past that. A man who leaves the lawn mower in the middle of the lawn, but his smile fills the room? Yeah, I could live with that too.

I guess in the end, the question is yours. What are YOU willing to settle for?