I've lost my will to live

I'm writing this because i need to get this out. Maybe to warn people about ltd's going wrong or maybe i just wanna be heard. But even if nobody reads this, at least i will have written it. A year and a half ago i did the onlinedating thing. I didn't knock the long distance thing because i live in a state where it is hard to meet other people. I met a woman from the south who i thought was the one. We got married and i moved down there to live with her. At the time i had no idea how different things were than up north. I was frequently called a yankee by my in-laws and left out of the conversations and mostly ignored by most of her friends and family because she told me they felt they couldn't relate with me. I had left behind my family(my mom). On top of all that my in-laws were alcoholics and always pushed it on us every time we were over there. In fact every holiday including easter we were gifted alcohol. They were ex-drug addicts and the more she told me about how they beat her and that abuse the more anger and anxiety i had every time we had to go see them. Because of her up bringing, although she was not on drugs she enjoyed joking about the good times she had when she was on weed and cocaine. With the many stresses there were and i hadn't even mentioned them all, I developed sicknesses down there. I had food poisoning twice and almost died from it a huge welt that almost led to blood poisoning and white sores in my throat on and off for three months because my wife insisted whisky would burn out the infection and that i'd never be able to pay the doctor's bill if i went. But eventially i went to the emergency room. The more things went wrong the worse off i became. My in-laws never cared to help me with my health and i got more and more depressed. Every little thing began to bother me and i couldn't cope. One day i had a nervous breakdown at work and my bosses walked by and ignored me. I was also getting bitten 20 times a day by mosquitos and spiders which kept me awake at night from the burning and itching. I tried everything, over the counter allergy meds and creams but it doesn't help when you have to burn your trash in the woods for lack of sanitation and get constant bites. My hair started falling out and thining and my stomache ached so bad that i had to put pressure on it with a lot of pillows and i developed an over active blatter problem so i lost more sleep peeing 5-7 times a night. On our days off she wanted to sleep all day and i couldn't. We lived in the country and only had one vehicle and i couldn't go anywhere. My wife claims she is very dependent on me and she threatened she would kill herself if i left her. But one day i said, i've gotta at least go home for a while just so i could see a doctor. I was just put on medical insurance at work but she told me i'd pay a high deductable if i went and i was still paying off the hospital 11 months after my last visit. She didn't want me to leave and i almost didn't. Now i am back home and i feel like a faliure because i am trying to get my life back together and i do have free medical care here but my mom is pressuring me even though she doesn't like to admit it. And i feel like i'm back to square one. I've had another few breakdowns here and have been to the hospital recently and feel i cannot go back to work yet. My mom is upset about feeding me (even though i don't eat much anymore and have been dropping weight), and the high gas prices. However i still talk to my wife and don't know if i should divorce her or not (she won't let me anyway) and my mom is pressuring me to get back to work. I wish my mother could understand that i have trouble remember everything to clean up and have difficulty focusing, but she wants things done her way and expects me to just divorce my wife and get back to work to help her pay bills. I feel she doesn't understand and i've lost the will to live.