am i really selfish ?

i became a mum at the age of 21 and again at the age of 22 because my partner who is 8 years older than me at the time wanted wanted children before he was 40 so we had two kids together, i gave up working in a salon to be a mum and partner and to keep house but i continued to do private hairdressing, even did a bit of ironing and selling avon to make ends meet when we were struggling for money, i never wnet out with my friends, i also gave all that up

when our youngest child turned 5 we split up and i met someone else, and we had a child, i have since had another child, and never returned to work, i have been a stay at home mum now for 14 years

unfortunatly that relationship went wrong and i am on the social which i am hating, i want to do my hairdressing on the side to make extra money but i also want a career change and get back into full time work so two months ago i started going back to college once a week to do my nvq2 in childcare and i work voluntary at a pre-school once a week so i can get funded and go to colleg, i also do a long day of hairdresing which pays for the child minder three days a week as i cant afford to pay it out of the money i get

i dont drink, i dont smoke and i dont buy myself a lot of things but i do however enjoy going to zumba three times a week which i also take my youngest son with me to these and pay my eldest children or other people to baby sit them

after a row with my daughter one day cos she let me down 15 mins before i was due to go to zumba and i have been let down twice before since my parents have got involved calling me selfish, saying as long as i am happy sod everyone else and how i should give up everything and be there for my kids etc

i dontthink i am being selfish considering i am with my kids 24/7, i dont get a break from them ever unless i am working which again when i do my hairdressing i take my youngest son with me

what do you think, am i being selfish to expect to work two days a week, go to college once a week and go zumba three days a week help
Post Comment

Comments (16)

give them all your kids to look after and see if they have any time for themselves , so if you want to go out by your self then just go to it girl


banana banana banana
dunno Sounds like you just need a more reliable or at least positive baby sitter. peace
Well I can't see how working,going to college and getting exercise is selfish.In my humble opinion,no you are not selfish.
Us moms will always be seen as "selfish" to a certain degree by some people if we do not let ourselves go and start looking like mother Hubbard and all worn and ragged ....tell em to take a hike and taek care of youself .thumbs up

How can you be there for anyone else unless you take care of your own needs?dunno laugh cool
good reply lana , tell those peope to stop judging you and fix up their own lives first , ok banana
You are not selfish hug just ask someone to look after your kids for a while and go out to having fun cheers cheering
Kaz, actually, it sounds like your parents are being the selfish
ones here. They're not understanding all that your doing... college/volunteering/working and working out amongst all you domestic chores. Working your body is just as important as all the other things you are trying to accomplish. Sounds like a one on one with them can alleviate some of the tensions. gl

ps: if I understood you correctly, your parents were taking of the
babysitting task...
I think you are a good mum and I think you should think for yourself and just smile and nod when your parents say something you do not like. No conflict no opinion. Just smile and nod. Ok mum, you know you are always right!!
I think it's not selfish, dear. You need a "me time". Every woman need it. You can imagine take care children 24/7 then go to college and go back home to take care children to do a job to earn money. Then one day, we can feel upset with life and give up. You are right that you want to have some fun but consider if three days to have fun is too much? dunno

If you feel that it's hard to take care the children alone then you need a good babysitter.

Good luck, dear! hug


Summer
As someone who has no kids I don't think ur selfish at all. I have friends & family who have kids. When my sis comes into town I spend time with my niece & nephew....I enjoy the time with them & helping my sis out. My sis cherishes her alone time.

You are not selfish for taking care of youself. You are not not sefish for bettering you life...for yourself & for your kids. And if someone says ur selfish well maybe they are jealous in some way.
You aren't being selfish at all. Like you I'm a single mum but my son is older and is able to take care of himself. I've been through having to arrange childcare, so I know how difficult this can be. You need me time to recharge your batteries. You are no good to anyone let alone yourself if you are tired and stressed. The me time gives you that strength you need to see you through what you do. In my opinion you are a good mother.comfort bouquet
i know how you feel,when i was raising my child i had no one to help me but only making comments and they expected me to see to my child whenever i was home aft work,trust me i had no life and i was miserable.till today 16yrs later i am still single and my child is an adult now and how i wished i had emotional support from my family.......trust me girl do what your heart says and life is short.you not selfish,you need a break!!!!!
thank you so very much everyone for your comments, i've just got back from a zumba class and was feeling guilty for going until i read all your wonderful comments, i only do two evening classes and one day class before i go to work so i dont spend too much evening time away from my kids........ my parents and i are not talking because of all this but these three hours a week does make me feel good and does de stress me from every day life as i do work hard and never stop,
i love my children dearly and wish i could give them the world but relistically i cant so i give them my love and my support and trying to better myself so they can have nice things
its hard being a single mum but i would not be without my kids for the world and i dont complain about my life, would just be nice to have support from my family instead of criticism moping
Agree with the others K. Sounds to me that you are doing a great job of bringing your children up hug
thank you darren x
Yeah, you sound pretty selfish to me. 4 kids, different dads, no permanent father figure for them, "on the social"...........I mean its the classic old story, isnt it? Your 4 will go on to have 4 each having been set a wonderful example of family life.......but all you seem concerned about is your 3 times a week zumba! Just about says it all.
Unfortunately this country seems to be full of hard luck stories, relationships gone wrong, kids all over the place and people like you expecting others to pick up the pieces.
Post Comment - Let others know what you think about this Blog.

About this Blog

by kas14
created Aug 2011
796 Views
Last Viewed: 10 hrs ago
Last Commented: Nov 2011
kas14 has 21 other Blogs

Like this Blog?

Do you like this Blog? Why not let the Author know. Click the button to like the Blog. And your like will be added. Likes are anonymous.

Feeling Creative?