Gone fishin'

He couldn't find any lures, so I suggested he use the little red wiggly person that I found when cleaning his room - I'm sure you've seen those things - they're sticky until they get used too much. He stuck it on the hook. I watched my youngest son prepare to join a friend to go down to the river .....and I felt sad and hurt. I had promised that I would fish with him when we first moved back up here to PA well over a year ago and had not. I knew that although we now lived close enough, his father would not take the time to do so. And I again felt the pangs of that relationship from which I moved (back up here) and how my then mate promised again and again but didn't - he would brag about fishing, said he'd take my son........oh, blah, blah, blah.

The truth, ....... well, a truth........

......even had I taken him, it would have been out of guilt, and my son would have felt that. No, I'm the one who didn't take him fishing; me, moi. I'm the one responsible for my relationship with him. My apology is not for those men in his (my) life with little to no integrity. Equally, my wish is not limited to that man who will soon be in my life who does have integrity (where are you?). My apology is that I didn't take the time to spend with my son. My wish is to find that time and to love it.

I love my son and I'm responsible for my relationship with him and for what I didn't make happen.