random moments
For the last week the car has been making heat complaints - none of the major symptoms of a blown head gasket but you wonder and hope not because when my treatment schedule is set up - soon soon soon please - transportation through the time and space of a mere forty-five minutes - with a possible stretch to two hours if we leave ten minutes in the wrong direction - is going to be a surprising impact in my life.So yesterday my sister, a June baby, headed off to DMV to get her licence renewed. I got a call. The water pump has failed and water is pouring out as fast as she puts it in.
My sister has been a rock to me for the past three months. She is staying downstairs with our mother, basically here to be care giver to me but also picking up the slack where I no longer skip downstairs with dinner for mom - who hates to cook.
She is younger than I am by four years, a lot taller at 5'11 and looks incredible at about 185lbs as she is built on heroic lines. Right now she wants to lose weight exacerbated by the steroids in her asthma medicine but she has this amazing face, beautifully carved profile and when she wears her hair in a single braid you can see our south american indian genes in an exotic almost iconic 'woman' image.
When she called yesterday, for the first time she sounded rattled and my world shook for a moment. I am only as strong as the foundations I rest upon. I got to see how deeply I have invested myself into me, how much I have discarded that is more or less irrelevant until I heal.
I also got to see that 'discarded' is not 'thrown away' - just in storage because fifteen minutes later I had called the mechanic, organised a ride to get the car towed and somehow managed not to scream at my mum who, when I explained the situation, said oh sure - help yourself to the keys. Not on balance with this, my mom, and maybe she cannot be, but I need her to be a little more aware because I cannot take care of her fears and concerns, not right now.
By the time my friend and I got to the mechanics it was to find my sister had managed to get a passing trucker to tow the car and had started the walk back to the place she knew I would be coming to, to fetch her.
They can pull the car down tomorrow perhaps, in the meantime another friend will loan a car (for some reason mum's is behaving as though it has a carburettor problem or fuel clog) so I can see the oncologist tomorrow - got the call a couple of hours ago - so I can possibly be arranged for microwaving as necessary as early as next week. early being a very relative term at the moment from my perspective!
My sister says I am hilarious, that she has laughed out loud more in the last three months than the last year, and even I can see describing that my mouth feels like a stainless steel drawer I should just be able to pull out is a bit..odd.
It is little enough to give her, a few laughs here and there. I love her dearly. I could not do this alone.
Comments (2)
I'm not sure I saw you address this in your blog...but I'm curious about the medical expenses, which must be enormous. Is the government helping? Private insurance? Just something that struck me while reading....
Keep on keeping on, honey.
Jeff