Pain hurts who

Why are you even here, why cant you just disapear, do you not have the cuts to take care of this pain, or is it the pain you would leave behind that you are afraid of. Pain not that you would feel but the pain you would leave behind with others, not understanding what happened, what did we do wrong, or what will I do without her, were will I go, what will I do. WHY...You have put others before you for so long, that is who you are, how could you just think about yourself right now....but living with pain inside like this, is it putting them first to quit or is it thinking of yourself....what pain will be the worse, living in pain or dying in pain.