You’re an idiot!

I’m still crushing on you like crazy. I’m not talking about love here because it could not be love (or can it?). You don’t give me the chance to love you at all whereas you gave me the feeling that you would in the beginning.
You’re such a child… damn how could I fall for a girl who’s so much NOT what I always wanted.
You actually were the main reason that I left my girlfriend for two years. Admittedly it was not only you but also the fact that there seemed something amiss in the relationship and I could not longer take it being used like that, being depended on like that by a girl whom I could not depend on in return.
But it crucially was you who was needed to help me realize that.
I’m also aware of the fact that your friend always had this crush on me, I know it’s hard for her and I adore you even more because I know that you don’t want to hurt her. I understand…
But you’re an idiot anyhow for flirting with me when she isn’t around and for teasing me like you do and then pushing me away only minutes later.
Yes, I also know that you have a boyfriend… duh after making me fall in the beginning you suddenly didn’t hide it anymore and still you look at me like you do, you’re touching me and I’ll be damned if you didn’t think about kissing me right then and there in front of all those people and your friend.
Explain to me why I had to fall for YOU? Because I don’t know. I always hated your attitude, I disliked every little thing of you in the beginning when your friend introduced us. GOD, I thought of you as an absolute and total sweet moron for almost a year.
And then you come back into my life like you did… and here I am head over heels for you. It can’t be that I changed this much?! And I don’t think that you’re that different from back then either…
Besides the way you treat me, sometimes as if I were the most wonderful, handsome and cute guy there is and then again as if you don’t care at ALL.
Why do you do this?
Maybe… because you don’t know how I feel?
But I can’t tell you, can I? What about your boyfriend? and what about the fact that you’re so different from me?
All my friends whom know about this tell me that you’re not in my league that I deserve something better.
In other words: someone better looking, someone less moron-like, someone less older, someone who’s at least as tall as I am.
I’m aware that they’re rolling their eyes whenever I go all dreamy about you again but in fact it is EACH and EVERY single trait of yours that they don’t like that I love.
Yes I adore your looks even though you’re not good-looking and I know, I just love your eyes, your hair, even the fact that you’re barely near to me when I’m wearing flat shoes.
You’re far from perfect but yet so close to it that it’s making me dizzy everytime I’m near you. And whenever I catch you watching me my heart’s running a marathon.
But I’m afraid of telling you all that because I don’t know if you only played me, because I know how you’ll react with that ego of yours if you did play me.
On the other hand… there’s not many options left. There’s barely any time left either or I might never see you again.
I’m afraid of that, too…