By-myself
Present day:For a while, i started believing that one is not alone, you always have someone with you. Although in a physical sense of the word, its true, you have people around you, you talk to them, do your daily routine and carry on with your work.
But, inside i feel its a lie. Okay great there are people around me. But the loneliness is still there, my heart and soul feel it.
I wake up, and i wake up to my own thoughts, in my own head. That is how i am alone. I go to work, sit at my desk, people move about doing their work and i do mine, yet i am alone.
2years ago:
I used to think that i was doing it on purpose, that i wanted to be alone so i would have something to complain about. So i stopped thinking about it at-least i tried, whenever this lonesome feeling would surface, i would push it down, think of something else, divert my mind and keep myself occupied in anything, music, games, work, mindless surfing.
After a while, i turned to love, i started seeking it, kept running after it, but that went to shit, apparently when you are looking for something that isn't there, you take what you get and try to twist it and convince yourself that this is what you wanted.
But it's not real, as i soon found out. You only end up hurting yourself and end up looking like a fool.
And that's when i gave up, i gave up "wanting" anything, i would just get up and carry on with my stuff, cos i knew things are not going to get better so no point of expecting anything from life.
Just wake up each day, and deal with what life gives you. If its a shity day, doesn't matter, if its a good day, doesn't matter.
And that's when i caught a break, i found a wonderful person, it was fun to be with her, to just talk and laugh and be happy. Soon we developed feelings for each other, and before you know it, we were going out and life was great.
Everything else falls into place when your soul is happy.
Back to the present:
So here i am back at square one, went from being lonely to happy to just being by-myself.
Now, everyday is exactly like the one before it, weekdays are spent working so i can earn enough to barely get by, and weekends are spent losing my self in music and games so i can cope with the week that was.
Comments (4)
You are not clear in your writing if this girl left you but it appears she did. So with that conclusion I have this advice for you. Don't close yourself off to anything. Just when you think nothing will happen it will. It always does.
@Ed: thanks for your comment too Ed, right now im just playing a wait and watch game, perhaps soon something better will happen, time will tell.
Who of us hasn't woken up in the middle of the night, aware of our utter aloneness in the world?
However, I prefer to believe there is also a spiritual component to existence, which some never glimpse.
And the truth is, you are not alone by-myself.