inbetween treatments...three to go

This time when the tendrils of depression started to coil around my heart I was ready and said rude words and waved my finger in their faces before I slammed the door.

Because that's the key, for me at least. Once i know it is a mood, I can deal and manipulate it, bring in anger or laughter or sentimental dreams or just sit and acknowledge that I am feeling sad and that sad does not get to fill my whole life any more than happy does.

My dreams have come back more completely, they tend to be abiout surgery and chemicals(my sister says they are nightmares so I guess she hs never had a real nightmare) so i assume my brain is updating its files. With any luck it will throw out the trash too and let my nerves start work again.

I will see the osteopath agin in about two hours towards helping that along as well, my arm is very much better although it stil hurts to move it much. So I don't. Move it much I mean.

I have a strong reluctance to walk down stairs at the moment but I do it anyway because that is another way depression grabs you, whispering 'you can'ts' or 'it's too much' in your ear.

The ways we lie to ourselves and let ourselves be conquered are myriad and fascinating, we, the human race, are designed to succeed and survive, how did we forget this about ourselves or did no one ever tell us?

Writing this blog has brought love and caring from total strangers into my life, the very best of what we can be to each other, an affirmation of life and love that frequently brings tears to my eyes because you have not left me alone on this path, but offer hands and shoulders and smiles to keep me going. You have no idea how much you do to keep me going forward when I falter. You have no idea how much I love you all.

Comments (2)

Zellarrone1●Hull, East Riding of Yorkshire, England UK

Sep 5, 2008●54 Comments

I get your drift about being wary of walking down the stairs after falling down them. When I fall off my bike, I'm paranoid for weeks that I'm going to fall off again

You need to get a good grip of the handrail or if there isn't one go then walk down them extra slowly and carefully

but if you really feel you can't resist practising your diving techniques again then at least make sure there's a bouncy castle or air mattress on the gravel so you have a soft landing