what is loneliness?
i read recently that there is only one real cure for loneliness and that is solitude . .and i tend to agree with that . .
everything else (another relationship, drugs, alcohol etc.) is just temporary relief from being alone with ourself . . even being on here is relieving the loneliness . .
so what is it thats so hard about being alone with ourselves? i've asked myself that questions many times . . because sometimes i just love being alone . . in fact the i've found that the longer i'm single the more i love my own company . . and love spending time just being with my own darling self.
i guess what i'm asking here is "what is loneliness"? because i'm not sure if its the same for everyone.
fear is definitely a part of it for me. there are times when i feel so damn afraid and alone and lonely. yes fear is definitely in the mix of loneliness for me. especially fear of being in alone in the world as it is right now . . theres so much crazy stuff happening out there and everything is changing so fast. i think it takes a lot of courage being alone in the world these days. especially for a woman . . i'd love to hear what men have to say aobut that.
and as i said in my first blog i felt really ashamed about being lonely . . how sad is that?
and speaking to others i find that its common to feel ashamed of being lonely . . apparently some people are deeply ashamed of being lonely.
shame is such a disempowering thing . . so it just makes the loneliness worse. shame makes it so difficult to reach out to others in an authentic way becasue we're always trying to cover up our shame.
and why is it even more difficult being lonely with someone than when we're alone. i've heard a lot of people say that . . so why is that so hard? a few people have answered that one already on here, but i'd love to hear what others have to say.
peace and love to you all.
Comments (40)
Blaise Pascal said that is our (only) problem as human beings:
We can not be happy in ourselves just sitting on a chair.
He used as exsaple that even a king will not be happy if he is not allowed to do anything.
Then to a different point of yours: why is it worse to be lonely
when in company with others (if i read this one correctly:
"and why is it even more difficult being lonely with someone than when we're alone") - ehh IF you mean being in an unhappy relationship OR in company that u feel alone in; then my answer is: cos u wanna be in somebody elses company!
And when u are alone ur hope for who the next company will be is stronger than when with the wrong folks.
HOPE is in here. Aswell as fear.
Thats part one, lol.
I like Morgen's thoughts... They point out our innate need for purpose... a reason for being. A basic human need I think.
With purpose... we feel needed and necessary... that's part of it for me... breaks up the feeling of isolation...
I shall be most happy living a hermits existence in a cave.
at a party. Sometimes end up in bed not lonesome too.
And who'd deny we sometimes talk here when we'd like to meet instead and do something together.
Get a big plane and fly everyone to a destination and watch the sparks fly.
"i read recently that there is only one real cure for loneliness and that is solitude.."
Not in the long run, no.
"temporary relief from being alone with ourself".
What is the purpous of life Huhanna?
Like calli, i also have enough years of solitude to talk about this.
U asked what is loneliness.
Well i think it's abit like on saturday night. If you have an invitation and u decline u will not feel lonely at home that night. If noone calls you may.
That way we would REALLY find out who fit for who!
Just hope not too many fall for the same ones.. haha, then we decide it through draw...
Would I be happy with a woman in my life. Yes, I would. But it hasn't happened and I am happy being alone.
To get out of loneliness we need to be more introspective and recognise why we are feeling this way. Just keep working on yourself, to make yourself as good as you can be. Open your eyes and be aware that there is more out there to people that meets the eye. Dig deeper, you will find that special one that will help you out of your loneliness, but you must be willing to offer and give of yourself first. Without the willingness to give everything of your own self , you cannot have what you need for yourself. saskia
i see so many people running (away from themselves) from one relationship to the next and wondering why none of them work. its not just the young that want instant gratification . .
and after talking to a lot of people of all ages about loneliness i'm beginning to see that the loneliness we feel when we're young can be very different to how we experience it when we're older.
i've also spoken to a lot of people who say they're not lonely even though they've been alone for many years . . and that they're quite happy being alone and would never want to be in another relationship . . but it also seems like many of them have simply just given up on life and love.
i dont think i'm ever likely to give up on love even if i end up being alone for the rest of my life.
i have no problem travelling alone . . i've been doing it for years . . but those twin share deals are only designed for couples . .
the world does tend to favour couples . .
and no dont have it all figured out . . but yeah i've thought a lot about this . . but it would be great if someone could add something i havent thought about . . existential loneliness as opposed to everyday loneliness for example . . how the two tie in.
and yeah interesting what you say about me not inviting discussion . . maybe thats one of the reasons i'm having a loneliness relapse . . i've become so used to doing everything for myself i cant even have a discussion . . haha!!
But I've read somewhere that it's a difference of being alone and to feel lonely.
I am convinced that time alone makes you grow as a human being. Time for reflection is so rare for many people these days, and TV programs and online interaction on computers aren't really helping us. But take that away and people start to listen to music, read novels or call a friend. The time for just being with yourself is so important. To be in the nature (without a camera or a mobilephone), just to be present and appreciate with my own eyes, and not think that I have to pass on my experience on Facebook or CS.
We live in instant societies, where we need to commuicate our latest experience all the time. Because we need someone to confirm that we did the right thing. Then I don't mean the constant flow of Facebook confirmation, but that we don't look for our own guidance, or God's or the universe, or what you want to call it.
We ar building up a lot of unsecurity by asking for guidance, even in small issues.
Now you are not asking for guidance, but for advices. Maybe the advices you get here will help you to continuously build up your own inner guide. And this is not a small question.
Welcome to he blogs
It's true that being single our true companion is being content in solitude.
Tis' an on going journey which there will come the down days but mostly is feeling gratitude for being content with accepting and getting to know ourselves better each day.
Like having an on going conversation with ourselves, hope you could explore your solitude
I have friends who can't stay an evening in their own home, so they spend the time dashing between classes and courses and Groups.
I may be gone too much the other way [well it is cold and it is winter] but my favourite thing is to cuddle up
with a great book, a book that has been recommended at the book club.
I know I can go out any day or any time and meet somebody and I have some platonic men friends who are great friends.
My home is tiny so it gets chaotic with visiting Cats, and my Birds who come to my window each morning early for their seeds. [I prefer to feed them and they know me ].
I do meditation and try, mindfulness, and to live in the Now, it means I don't worry. I have also started downshifting and find less is more when it comes to clothes , furniture, and the consumerism religion.
Once we can be happy alone, we take that in to a relationship if we meet somebody, so in the even that something goes wrong, and the love affair goes wrong. We have that solid core of not being afraid of being alone. Loneliness is Depression [in my opinion] two entirely different things. Great Blog.
No matter ones feelings they they should never feel ashamed
which I sought to express in a poem I posted in Poetry Corner:
ALONENESS
Author: socrates44
Aloneness is different from loneliness
It is an occasion for personal growth
It gives an insight into humanness
And helps us realize our self worth
Being with others continually
Denies us from ever having a chance
To look at ourselves objectively
To build up our own self reliance
Self reliance is the key to coping
With acute periods of adversity
It provides us with an inner strengthening
To overcome and claim the victory
Self reliance is extremely vital
To avoid the feeling of loneliness
Which can happen when there is denial
Of other's support and togetherness
If you feel contentment in aloneness
It can help you to avoid a pitfall
It provides an inner based happiness
Which is the greatest happiness of all
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Posted: Nov 22, 2014
Paul Tillich, who died in 1965, wrote:
"Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone."
I experience brief moments of loneliness on occasion but not to often. I haven't ruled out engaging with a companion but I'm not out looking for it.
We can be terribly lonely in a room of people we have nothing in common with and who are shallow.
I find as I get older, I love my own company, to snuggle up with a book, watch a good Movie, and then , it's great to go out with somebody whose company you enjoy and have fun.
Depression can be at the root cause of an ongoing feeling of isolation and hopelessness/loneliness.