not one tear

I was thinking about my life, and how I have lived it so far. I have always been the one to laugh everything off and pretend like nothing gets under my skin. no one has ever seen me cry not even at the lowest times I have had in my life I still haven't cried well not where anyone could see me. but its getting to me now school and work too much is piling up on me and I have shut people out so I have no one to turn too I'm completely alone sorta. crying is for people who could never make it is what I tell my niece she's only 8 she cried when she fell off her bike after I told her that you know what she did she tells me but it hurt so I cry I can't stop it. so why don't I cry I'm afraid to produce a tear in public I just want too be able to shed one tear but I want the right guy to do it with so he can reassure me it'll be okay. idk if I'm waiting for a fairytale ending but why shouldn't I have it why shouldn't anyone have it I guess I think I should be able to produce a tear before I worry about a fairytale ending lol