Dreams Of The Innocent

I woke up last night comforted by the down quilt embracing my naked body. Tensing my muscles to do a straight rise to a sitting position I hoped that the exertion wouldn't pump my blood too much to go back to sleep then made the stiff rise. Sitting with my legs crooked and wondering why I had awoken I pressed my hands across my face rubbing my eyes and then, only when I assured myself that I was indeed tired enough to go back easily did I glance at the clock - 4:17 am.

Two and a half hours to go I said to myself and leaned over to grab a drink of water. As I drank I looked outside and saw the frost that had accumulated on the ground and felt safe, secure and thankful that I was inside tonight rather than chasing down some God forsaken range road with a hundred forty thousand pound truck like I sometimes am. I placed the water on the table and for lack of anything else to make the awakening worthwhile put some moisturizer on my hands and rubbed them together and then on my face, inhaling the clean fragrant smell and suddenly, it all came back.

Alone, I was alone. I've been alone for years but here I was, completely comfortable, not wanting for anything and here, on a cold night, all by myself I was wondering why I was so able to forget what it was like to sleep beside somebody, to smell the sweetness of their skin, the movement of their body if I rose as I had and then, the innocence of their slumber when they repositioned themselves and not even miss it.

I wondered if I should feel lonely, bad, sad or hopeful that somehow, the world would find me or, I them. At four am on a frosty morning I simplified it by deeming that someday...... someday life will not be as it is.

I placed my hands against my face once more and breathed in the aroma of the feminine moisturizer. Comforted with this, I lay down and snuggled up to my second pillow, pulling it close so that I might pretend but for an hour or two that I too was part of the world.