august 2006

i was a stupid little naive girl
i went with him
against my moms orders
i thought it would be fun
he was older and attractive
he seemed nice and he was
very gentle with me
he made me feel special
when we left that walmart parking lot
i didnt know what i was doing
we went to the bowling alley
he introduced me to all his friends
they were so cool
and they all seemed pretty nice as well
we went and picked up some liquor
i will never forget that night
in august 2006
i was only 15 years old
why did i do this?
it doesnt make sense to me now
we went to a house
i didnt know where we were
there were so many people and
there were drugs being used
all these guys were trying to
get me to drink more and more
so i did because they were so nice
the guy that i came with
disappeared from my side
this man i didnt know
he brought me to the bedroom
then he put me on the bed
and took my pants and panties off
i tried to get up
he put me back down
then his clothes were off
and he was on top of me
i was so dizzy and i felt sick
i couldnt see anything but a blur
i thought i was screaming stop!
but my voice was like a whisper
i tried to fight back
and i felt this horrible pressure
and tearing in my genitals
i told him to stop hurting me
he told me to relax
and that there was no point
in fighting it
so i laid my head back
looked to the left of me
away from him
closed my eyes
and shed some tears
i tried to think of a happy place
it felt like he was on me
for such a long time
nothing made it better
he said thanks when he was done
and he left me to lay there
when another guy came in
and tried to get on me
2 guys came in and took him
outside and beat him to a pulp
til an ambulance came and police
i just stayed there
the police didnt come in
i got up and crawled around
looking for my clothes
i didnt like talking to the police
the next day or the doctor
poking at my insides
asking me if any thing hurt
everything hurt
it will always hurt
to think of that
for the rest of my life
but all im left with is
the thought of what happened
im not physically hurt anymore
emotionally im alright
i dont let it get to me
though i have to say
i do have my moments
and flashbacks