Friend requests.

I used to wonder "What in the world am I getting friend requests for? Isn't this a dating site?"

I understand that there are so many various situations of relationship breakups, hurts, physical pain, mutual breakups, etc.

I know many many people on dating sites are so cautious from previous experiences. It's a big scary ocean out there. Some are trying to find their life long mates, some just like to date and some to find a fling and then another and then another. But, since I placed myself on the market, I started seeing more and more of this "I'd like to be friends and know more about you" thing.

So the getting to know: We would chat about ourselves, then exchange email addresses/IM user names chat about our likes and dislikes. If it was decent enough to move on we'd exchange phone numbers and chat late in the night to see how our voices sounded and talk til 1 or 2am. And, if it was still worthy of moving on, we would meet for a simple cup of coffee and take it from there, gradually continuing the process of getting to know. How quaint and charming is that?

In all my on and off years of dating, when the scenario came about of him wanting to know who I was and wanting to be my friend, it was basically a way for the guy to get out easy. To get to know me, take me out like we're dating (shouldn't friends pay for themselves?) and then if you seem like someone they can be intimate with they make their moves. One foot in the door and the other still outside, just in case they have to run. HAHA That is hi-larious! Didn't you just say you wanted to get to know me and be friends? So why the switch of mindset on thinking there could be more?? Why say one thing and do another? Didn't any family member teach you the importance of keeping your word? Ohhh - what you say doesn't really hold value. So you speak in roundabouts or unclear terms because you really don't want me to know what you really want from me? Is that what that means?

Well, I'm one up on you - friend seekers. I have no time and will pass you by. Once that word comes around me in any email or IM - THAT is all you will ever get from me. I can and will now, only be your friend. I'll be supportive and encouraging and say positive things to you. I'll always tell you the truth whether you like it or not. But, no kisses or long soft holding. No physical anything. And, here's the best part: I still get to look for my husband! But isn't that what you asked for? To be friends?

I'm not here to be your mommy and band-aid your little wounds from past untrustworthy partners. You need to get over whatever hurts you have and move on. Or, get off this site and stop looking for people to make you feel better. You'll never be a happy person and good for anyone else, unless you love yourself first. Life is full of deceit and you should be able to identify who these people are rather than hide behind a computer from them and create another world of who knows what!

And/or just be a person of your word. If what you want is a fling - then grow some cajones and say that's what you want. "In so many round about ways of wording things" doesn't quite cut it for many people. Communication skills are essential to everyone's survival. You need to clear with what it is you're looking for. You need to speak clear. No one is a mind reader. No one knows what your definition of becoming friends is. But, I do know that the time and effort people spend on wasting each others time and not meeting each others desires can be unscrupulous.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Does any of this sound familiar? Or was I the last person on earth to be taught on how to have a high level or ethics, morals, principles and integrity. And, be a woman of my word.

As my grandpa Stanley used to say, "Sh** or get off the pot."