Some New Medical Terms

Egyptian Flu is a sexually transmittable infection and the host eventually becomes a mummy. This infection is characterised by severe pain at the end of a 38 week gestation period.

The source of the virus is always male and is highly contagious (even when he claims not to be) and will remain so until he gets much older, when he enters a period of reduced activity called ‘impotency’, also referred to as ‘monkey business’.

The source is charged up with a chemical called ‘testosterone’ which fills him with an urgency to infect as many hosts as possible; also referred to as ‘being randy’; a condition that continues until death.

The host for Egyptian Flu, on the other hand, is always female and the good news is that, after infection, it is not contagious at all. The host will continue to be vulnerable to the virus well into her middle years when she will become immune to this virus. This is called the ‘menopause’; also referred to as ‘change of life’.

Like most other viral infections, the symptoms for this infection are not immediately evident. It starts with nausea and cravings, followed by swelling of the abdomen and enlargement of the breasts. The latter half of the gestation period is characterised by contortions of the abdomen and, as previously mentioned, it ends with severe pain. Most hosts will tell you afterwards that it was worth it.

The after-effects of this infection are far reaching. The lesser effects are a flabby stomach, sagging breasts and stretch marks, but these can be remedied, though some hosts don’t bother and this may lead to another medical condition called ‘divorce’. The more drastic effect is the spawning of another source or host for the same infection; luckily latent for some years to come.

This infection can be cured in mid-term and is called ‘abortion’ – frowned upon by most. Abortion can also be spontaneous and then it is called ‘miscarriage’.

If the virus source is not legally attached to the host or if he is contaminated with the earlier mentioned ‘divorce’ later on, he will be levied with a special tax called ‘maintenance’; also referred to as ‘support’.

The source can be permanently rid of this virus by a medical process called ‘castration’ or, less drastic, a ‘vasectomy’. The host can also be permanently immunised by a medical process called ‘hysterectomy’. Such a host is also referred to as a ‘sports model’.

The host can also chemically control infection by using another medical device called ‘the pill’, but this device is known to affect the short term memory and therefore sometimes leading to another medical condition called ‘accidental pregnancy’.

However, the garden pea seems to be the most effective remedy against this infection. A pea is to be placed and kept between the knees of the host and while it remains in place the host will certainly not be infected.

Cold showers are also fairly effective, but must be taken before; not after!

Repeated infections lead to yet another medical condition called ‘over population’.