A Letter To Cyrano de Bergerac.

My dear friend, this is day six of my captivity. I live under most appalling conditions and I’m starved to death. Two impostors, posing as my daughter and grandson, are keeping me prisoner in my own castle.

Cyrano, please come to my aid. Also bring D’artagnan and Monsieur De Treville along. I believe they are presently in Gascony as well. If Monsieur Delatude still wears that fear inspiring helmet with the horns, bring him too. It will require a formidable force to secure the release from my captors.

During the first two days of my captivity I was kept in a white castle, guarded by creatures resembling penguins, sticking needles and tubes into my body, attaching probes to my head; trying to make me talk, but I had admitted to nothing.

I am under close guard all the time and have to suffer the indignity daily of having to shower in the presence of that young man posing as my grandson. I think they are scared that I might escape through the drain pipe, which will soon be possible with the meagre rations I receive while they eat like kings.

All I get is serials, skimmed milk, rye bread, weak tea, steamed fish, salad, feta, low fat cottage cheese, pork chops (no fat), cooked chicken (no skins), boiled veggies and a bit of rice. The entrances to my larder and cellar are blocked by a hooded axe man with a body like a woman. No sugar, no salt, no fat, no butter, no wine, no coffee.

To entertain myself I have a soft rubber ball, a broken computer keyboard and a boring half-read novel – The key to Rebecca - while they watch satellite TV all day. I am permitted to watch TV with them for one hour every night, but so far I have declined. I refuse to fraternise with the enemy.

I fear that they drug me, for I sleep much more than usually. Whenever I’m awake I use the rubber ball and the keyboard to exercise my hand that I had injured in a duel with a goat-clawed creature last week. I’m sure he had horns. My skills are returning one by one and my typing is improving slowly, but surely.

Yesterday they took me to their torture chambers where they worked my injured hand to a point where I was prepared to sign any confession; except for being gay. They plan to take me there tomorrow again. It is imperative that I escape soon.

I beseech thee to hurry my friend, as I fear for my sanity if this is to prevail for much longer!

Your comrade in arms.

Pùss In Boots.
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Comments (49)

I had ventured to bring you some comic entertainment in the form of two jesters but I fear the got eaten by the fearsome dragon guarding your oubliette laugh

Good to see you Cat, cheers
Hi Nonsmoker

I'm still curtailed very seriously by my captors. I may not read what is on the screen and what I reply is being type for me. I may not see that. What happened to the freedom of the press in my kingdom? Maybe they fear a secret code being used.
dunno laugh
Hi Dad Cat..
Heyyyy... Stay away from computervery mad peace
Hi Zman

My allies have also tried to set me free last Saturday and though the fought gallantly, they had to bend the knee in the end. Now they are barred form the castle. They may enter one at a time during the hours of daylight only; carrying no fire water or supplies. I do not understand their defeat. They had such superior numbers.
laugh
Dear cat you dont realize it but all this is for your own good and you are very lucky to have all these loving people around you to take care of you
Hi Martha,

I'm being deprived the privacy of even reading my own email.

My direct family are the only people allowed here after darkness; and together. Although they are treated with the due respect and dignity, they are subservient to my captors. I smell some collusion here too, especially with my father; maybe he is negotiating for my release, but I doubt it somehow. I wonder if they are being blackmailed.
Hi India

That is what everybody tell me

I fear that they have corrupted my allies now too. When I ask them for help, they say that it is best the way things are. Best for who? The traitors. I will have to re-evaluate my alliances and treaties once I have repelled these invaders.
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
haai cat,

good to see you blog. vasbyt funny guy. they look after you.
Hi Fleudelis,

I have had Rapunzel locked up in one of my towers for six years now and I cut her hair off every month. I could hardly ask her for help. Roxana will have to wait; I know my old friend will arrive as soon as he gets my letter.
laugh laugh
Cat,
Have you tried crying insistently. I find that can be a good angle of attack against even the wiliest of Females

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@ Cat - I was going to suggest that you knot the sheets together and escape out the bedroom window but I realised that you will have to wait until you have two strong arms, mate... take care...

Your daughter deserves a medal for her effort in keeping you in touch with the rest of us... Above and beyond the call of duty, Girl... yay

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Nice seeing you in a good spirit Cat. handshake
The ruffians of the Cardinal are everywhere serving their evil master. He was thought dead a long time ago, but recently it has been reported that he impersonated the Comte of Saint Germain through witchcraft. Also, with Alchemy, he discovered the power of the Philosopher's stone. He found eternal life by taking over the soul of unsuspected South Africans, keeping them captives and surrounded by so called care givers. Your very moments will be controlled, orchestrated by the Cardinal's guards taking the appearance of hospital staff and doctors.
He also fought Sherlock Holmes under the name of Doctor Moriarty and took the persona of Doctor Hannibal Lecter.
Only the members of CS can form a formidable army and fight these evil creatures by banding together.
Beware of the Cardinal, he once said "A hand of iron in a glove of velvet". Don't fall for the sweet talk and acts of kindness surrounding you, fight with honor and give them a run for their money. "Remember Majuba". cheers

Hi Nonsmoker.

Crying?

I fear that won't do my friend. Cowboys Cats don't cry. Not even in the real world.
Hi Hans

Thanks for the medal, but it is udeserved. I'm returning the compliment. I can still remember how he cared for me when I was a child.

DVR
Hi Delatude.

I fear you bring bad news.

Looks like I will have to rely on that English scoundrel named Robin Hood. He said I’ll have to wait until he has made Marion.

Apparently he steals from the rich to give to the poor, but I have information that he steals from the rich because the poor have nothing to steal.
laugh rolling on the floor laughing
I'm about to be confined to my cell for an hour or two. My captors have decided that I'm tired. And they are right. I'm tired of sleeping. See you guys later.

I cannot wait for when I'm free again.

You too Brutus Cyrano!
CAT I SENT THAT BEFORE I FINISHED BUT I MUST SAY THAT BLOG IS SO GOOD AND CLEVER TOO, ITS GOOD TO SEE YOU FIGHTING ,THAT IS THE WAY TO GO ,I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT SOMETIMES THE BEST CURE FOR ANYTHING CAN BE POSITIVE THINKING AND ATTITUDE KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK AND BLOGS wave
Hi Zman,

You see, that is why thunder always win!
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Hi Catfoot! Brava... you did it too, you mad me laugh on my hard day. Happy to see you back blogging. Have a good rest now, and I will see you later. hug teddybear heart wings bouquet
Hi Wel,

I'm about to be forcefully remove to bed.

I’m allowed to walk around the castle grounds once a day under guard; if it is warm enough. No chance to bolt; my guard is young and fit, practicing that English innovation called rugby.
Papillon wink

a good dining companion is more precious than meal cool
Imagine ...
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... carrying Thai Tofu Curry for you innocent
Dearest Cat ,
I am Princess Grace of Ireland ,,,
I have many strong and brave body guards ,,,
We held an indepth discussion regarding tactics at court this morning , and want to reassure you ,we are here to assist you dear man !
Don't loose hope ,,, WE ARE ON OUR WAY ! hug laugh
Hi Catfoot,

I'm so glad that your speach is almost back to normal.grin
Remember, there is a family wedding coming up.
It will be drab without our witty toastmaster.devil
I will drop in after work.
If your captors will let me in.laugh
My respect sir. I am glad you to see, I hope it you. You transfer those who you torments. There will arrive my friend of Ummka from Kazakhstan and to you will arrange not good afternoon. But you have to remember rules of hospital and not violate them. Everything is normal all of us you we love and near you with all the heart. Long live Cat! ! !
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teddybear hug
H Fleurdelis

A butterfly?

Thanks for the pic, I think I must get one of those when my daughter leaves.
Hi Pincess Grace,

The tales about braveness of the Irish have reached our soils long ago, but I fear I need more than idle promises from far-off nobles. But Sean Dillen called a while ago to offer his help too.
laugh laugh
(film)

Good for you!
wink

Great day.
Hi Nancy,

Hmm, I'll be ready. I'm not sure about my guitar trick, but for all the others it will be ok.
laugh laugh
Maybe you shld call also the makers of the wooden horse in Helen of Troy.grin Good to see you again Mr. Cat. Just send me a plane ticket and I'd come flying fast.grin bouquet
Catcheers good news my friend, and get well... hope everything gets on track...have the same problem of high blood pressure... so take it easy and get back...handshake
Hi Simmo,

I will try that strategy, but I fear it may be to slow.

It is really good to see you back.
beer cheers handshake
no need to apologise ,,it is I who should apologise Cat ,
a momentary slip --handshake
I 'm glad you are in good spirits thumbs up
I know your situation is frustrating at the moment ,, but you are progressing well ,,
and you have a strong will ,, this will help you greatly in your recovery thumbs up wave bouquet
Cat,
Cant promise how long i will be back for, (and i'm alluding to me getting into trouble), just that as you would know, writing blogs that others can enjoy and participate in is not as easy as it seems.
But i'll write when i can.

As for my plan being slow,
Mate, we have all the time in the world.
Hi Catfoot,
I forgot to mention it earlier.
I'm pleased to see that your wit was not affected.
This blog is the proof of it.
I'm surprized you used it here.
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CAT, bend down!
Hi Fot,

This one I type myself. It takes longer.

Eish, this is going to ruin my bastions.help

Ok, the artillery is here, but where is the cavalry and infantry. Artillery can only make soft; cannot capture
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Too short Nancy,

Not enough meat for something else.
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When you win let me know.

smoking
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Catfoot

Catfoot

Around here, Western Cape, South Africa

I know I cannot always have what I want, but that does not make me want it less. Otherwise I’m easy to please, flexible, accommodating and forgiving. I cool down as fast what I get cross. I hate it when people lie to me. I’m hooked to my laptop, but [read more]

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