My thoughts on LDRs

Since this is an international site – I’ve seen many threads in the forums asking the question “Would you consider developing a relationship with someone in another country or continent?” or “Would you be willing to relocate for love?”

A relationship across continents??? Noooooo – heck I would have trouble here with a LDR in another state in my country….LOL. I might consider another county (that’s county, not country) – but another continent – nope.

Here’s why – and it’s my opinion – not asking anyone to agree.

I think that when you enter a relationship, you need time and opportunity to spend with that person to really develop a relationship. Consider every other relationship you’ve had – dating takes time – some you knew on the first date – no way – others may have taken months or a year to develop. Time together is your biggest obstacle in a LDR. In a LDR with someone continents away – there is a fantasy, which develops about what life would be like – but no way to know the reality.

Sure, you can go on holiday to visit – but that puts a lot of pressure on the relationship – to make it “fit” in the short time you may have. There are so many “what ifs” – what if when you get there, they have misrepresented their situation, what if when you get there is no physical chemistry, then what do you do? Stick it out, try not to hurt the other person’s feelings…then you compromise yourself – do you go ahead and have s*xual relations – after you’ve spent all that time building this thing up to be something that in reality sucks. What if it is something good? Is it good for the excitement of the moment or is it real? The only way to tell is to spend more time with the person. So you go back and forth – that’s costly and expensive – who can afford that? Who has the time off from work and the funds to afford international flights several times a year?

Now – what if the best-case scenario happens – you really feel something for the person? Well, then someone has to make a really hard decision….give up their job, give up their home and belongings, move away from their children (grown ones) and/or grandchildren or uproot their young children (that leads to legal issues with the ex-spouse over custody and visitation) – and besides, what does that do the children emotionally? It uproots them from their friends and family base – is it really worth it to be so selfish? What if you have aging parents that will soon need assistance? Do you move away and leave them to their own? What if you move to this new country and can’t find work? In this uncertain economy, why would a company hire you over a local? Then the receiving person takes on the responsibility for financially supporting you. One reason for marital break-ups is finances….something to think about. What about the expenses of becoming a resident or citizen of the new country? It’s a costly and time-consuming endeavor. Think of the strains you put on the new relationship – it’s a huge obligation to the person receiving the other person in their country. The immigration policies don’t care if you’re “in love” or “in lust” – there are legal conditions to be met and restrictions to follow. to be continued.....