I know there are days I feel lonely
My bad habit is to skip meals (or have no appetite), sleep (or be unable to sleep), or workout…generally my daily routine really messes up when something serious bothers my mind. I told myself, “try a bit more. No coffee, movies or holiday until completion.” However, some issues take more days and effort than I expect. So, I stay neither focused nor relaxed. As the result, I am stuck in the feelings of depression, self-disappointment; I see myself useless, lonely and get lost…I am always aware that I am lucky enough to have a good health, good friends and a family in which everyone never wants to bother or worry me and lets me live a free life I want….I always appreciate those things and thank life to have given me love, protection and challenges, which were luckily not too harsh. However, all the above are not enough to take away the feeling of loneliness in my soul and it is the main reason to destroy me. I am usually in the state of suffering instead of enjoying life; usually have to make effort to be able to find happiness instead of seeing it available. Happiness is not only you simply dress up, drive a beautiful scooter, hang out with friends and get good food. Happiness, in my almost 30 year old eyes, is you have a dream and try to make it come true, you live for yourself and for others, you love and are loved, you have belief today is better than yesterday and the future will be better than the present. I know each person has her own definition on happiness, which is subject to what she wants in life. When you are in 20s, you want experience; in 40s you want stability, in 50s you (women) want the days when you were young and beautiful but in 60s, you may start to want nothing but health….At the age of 29, I have almost gone through the 10 year period of 20s, a very fundamental phase of life that will decide how one’s future will be and I feel impatient with what I currently have, which I know won’t change if I do not try harder. In my own world of reality and dreams, I recognized how deep the feeling of loneliness runs inside me. No one is there, beside and behind me, to make me feel I am cared, protected and safe.
Some people feel shy to confess they are lonely. They are afraid of being looked as pitiful and boring persons, who don’t know how to enjoy life or accept what life gives in the present. However, as human beings, loneliness, like all other emotional status such as happiness, sadness, sorrow or joy is needed to be cared for and treated fairly. We have suffered so much pressure in life; tried to do a lot of things: to work, to learn, to manage social relationships, to avoid temptation…So, no reasons for us to ignore, hind or fake our emotions regardless they are positive or negative…no matter how bad or panic we feel due to that as they themselves need being soothed, eased and cared. Honestly, loneliness is one of emotions coming to me frequently. Sometimes it is good as it helps me get to know myself better, feel the depths of my soul and see beauty from simple and small things of life.
Sometimes, it is likely loneliness pulls me down to the bottom of a dark valley. But I can’t compromise with myself on going out with the persons who I know are boring, shallow and tedious…or simply are not my type. I used to try before and saw it just a waste of my time and his. I also realized what remained after a few hours of such meetings was the feeling of blankness. I believe in fate (or destiny) and its arrangement. If I am not destined to meet my man, I won’t try to seek any longer. I won’t try to change the situation I am in now. Instead, I will change myself with a strong hope it will finally help bring a better situation for me. Some things I want to change immediately are to go to a bar or watch a movie alone; however, the most important change needed is to focus on work and the related plans.
Comments (7)
You'll find someone. Your too pretty not to be able to!!
hee hee
I relate to what you have said. Loneliness can be a heavy burden, when there's no one to share your grief. Our emotional and psychological well being depends on the status of our heart, and the status of our heart depends on the depth of our bonds with others and with God.
A heart at peace gives life to the body (Proverbs 14:30).
I send you a warm hug.
God bless! Serendipity
do something crazy and enjoy the moments of this adventure.
good luck
Serendipity: Thank you for your warm hug
Barrie: May be I am wrong but I think it's boredom to make you get up
Morgen: Thanks for your advice. Yes I will