my fault

when i was 19 i was "seeing" two different guys. neither was a serious relationship, just hanging out, having fun. when things with jason started to be serious, i broke it off with josh. jason and i started dating, moved in together, started planning our lives together. when i found out i was pregnant, i was scared. excited, but scared. i was 19, i wasn't sure i was quite ready for the responsibilities of being a mother. we went to the doctor and they did my first ultra sound. needless to say, i fell in love with the child growing inside of me. i also found that the due date put conception right at that time that it could have been either josh or jason. i struggled with this for several weeks. i was unsure of whether to tell them, or just keep it to myself. jason and i were in a fairly happy stable relationship, why ruin that?
in the end, my conscience got the better of me. i thought, if it were me, i would want to know. so i told them both, in all honesty, that i didn't know. it broke my heart to look in the eyes of the man i loved as i broke his heart. i tried to explain to him that it was before we were dating, that he knew about josh then and that i had never cheated on him.
he didn't believe me. he turned extremely hateful and then took himself out of my life.
josh stayed by my side. helped me through it all. loved the little girl growing inside of me.
through the pregnancy i attempted to stay in touch with jason. i tried to talk to him. i wanted him to know that if the baby was his, i would not stand in the way of his parental rights. that we would work things out for ourselves. he refused to see me, or speak to me.
after she was born josh took a paternity test. not his. i continued to attempt to contact jason to no avail. i gave him an additional nine months to man up. he never did. so i filed for child support.
he drug out the child support procedings for almost a full year. he has been given visitation rights, he doesn't use them. i have tried to talk to him about this and he tells me that it's my fault. that i'm a b*tch. that i hurt him.
i understand that i hurt him. i never intended to. i was young and convinced of my own immortality. but i never lied to him. i never cheated on him. i never did anything he himself wasn't doing. i told him the truth out of respect and love.
now he tells people that i'm holding her from him. that i refuse to let him see her. so once again, i'm the b*tch.
i try to live my life. to ignore the bull shit. i moved out of the small town we lived in. i'm raising my daughter on my own. and i truly believe he's the one missing out.
i'm just not sure, after all these years, how it can still be my fault. . .
shouldn't he be to blame for his own decisions now? shouldn't he be at fault for his own reactions?