My Secret To Living A Longer Life

Marie Antoinette did not live long because she ate wrong. Eating cake is not conducive to a long life; you lose your head too easily. What you eat and how you exercise is very important.professor

They say that regular exercise can make you live longer but that is not true. Like all other things your heart is only good for certain number of ticks and that's it. It is called normal wear and tear. A faster heartbeat will not make you live longer; that is the equivalent of believing that revving up your car will make it last longer. If you want to live longer you have to take things slower.grin

Never ever do exercises to lose weight. Exercises make muscles bigger, not smaller. Sex is the only recommended form of exercise; practice it regularly, if possible after each meal. It also relieves stress.idea

Additional stress can be reduced by smoking. Don’t let people tell you it is harmful. You inhale so much smog and secondary smoke, it does not matter. Smoking relaxes you and builds self confidence by being able to do your own thing. It has been scientifically proven that a good healthy pair of lungs is of no use to you in your grave.smoking

The same misconception exists with meat, fruits and vegetables. If you think about it, it will make sense eventually. Poultry is a rich source of grain and perfect for breakfast. We all know that grain provides roughage. Eating pork for lunch can supply you the daily quota of junk food which, contrary to popular believe, is needed by your system. Have beef or mutton for supper. Cattle and sheep eat hay, corn and grass and therefore a sure way of supplying you with vegetables; especially the green type.burger

While at the topic of vegetables, don’t forget to eat plenty of potato fries. It is fried in vegetable oil and you can never eat enough vegetables.thumbs up

Water is another issue. Let’s forget about the poor quality of water for a minute and let’s look at the feeding value. Other than harmful bacteria and dirt particles, it contains no feeding value whatsoever. Drink wine or ciders. It is made of fruit and 4 glasses can give you all the vitamins you need.buddies

Avoid bread at all costs. We had an unlimited supply of all the ingredients to make beer until some bloody fool thought of baking bread with it. One liter of beer has the same nourishment of a whole loaf of bread.beer

There is no need to thank me for this valuable advice as I render it as a public service in the interest of a longer and healthier life.banana
cats meow cats meow

Stay lose. It is Friday.cheering
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Comments (61)

put something short will ya this is too long just like your long lifelaugh
cats meow cats meowyou cat foot what ever muscles thanks for the blog handshake
drinking...Uh! Is this Candy Camera? Or What would you do?
Hi Zeurich,
Don't be intimidated by the length of it. I typed it very slow for the people who cannot read fast. You should have no problems.laugh
hug wave
Hi Angel
Hmm, maybe. So smile, you may be on it.grin
hug wave
Bob; In That Case

dancing Heyyy! Yawl........
Hi Angel
Back to a bob a spin. Bob is the first name of Mr Jaan. Bob Jaan is a very popular guy here in my country.rolling on the floor laughing
hug wave
ah now got the idea cat,,, i have to read very slowly yay because you typed it slowly peace
Cat,

As usual, you have been doing your homework on this subject.rolling on the floor laughing

Have a great weekend!yay
Zeurich
Exactly. I learned that trick when I used to write letters to my grandmother. She could not read fast so I had to write very slowly for her to keep up.doh
hug wave
there is saying that Cats have 9 lifes... and how abt you CF? grin
Hi Zman
We have the same regulations here. But it is dangerous to stand on the pavement here. Some time ago my ex-wife was run over on the pavement and she does not even smoke. I'm glad I kicked the habit though I still enjoy a good cigar every few months.
grin doh
Hi Jim
Just stick to my diet and exercise plan and you will never grow old and frail.
laugh rolling on the floor laughing
Marie Antoinette didn't live long because she was guillotined. blues Of course, her eating cake while envious peasants were digging organic turnips may well have been a contributing factor to losing her head. confused laugh
Hi Wel
We all have our own secret diets and private exercise habits. Don't be shy to tell. giggle
hug wave
"I've never taken any exercise and never intend to. I get plenty of exercise attending funerals of my more athletic friends." - Mark Twain. He lived to 76, I believe...Better than the average of the time. laugh
cat do you know why she read slowly she had no clue what is on cats mind laugh laugh
Hi Miclee
Whatever happened then; we know today her secret diet was cake.
laugh rolling on the floor laughing
Zeurich
She read so slow, by the time she got to the end of the letter, she had forgotten how it started.
laugh grin doh
Miclee
I think longevity is in the genes. Both my grandfathers died deep in their nineties and my father is almost 87 now and still in very good shape. I can tell you that he eats what he likes and never bothered with exercises. He always said going to work is enough exercise.
cheers wave
Kinda reminds me of my father, used the car to post a letter in the box on the other side of the road, chain smoked, lived on chocolate etc, not sure he knew what fruit was sigh but his lifestyle got him in the end, he died......aged 93 grin
Hi Zman
See what I mean. If he ate properly and did regular exercises he may have died in the ripe age of 70.doh
laugh rolling on the floor laughing
Granddad had three eggs, about 1/4 lb. bacon & toast dripping with butter every day. That was just for breakfast. Got up one day, had breakfast, got dressed to go to work & dropped dead. He was just short of 89. Not a bad way to go, really. Ain't none of us gonna get outta this mess alive, I reckon. Yep, Cat...it's the genes, you betcha! wink
Miclee
My mother's father did all the wrong things. He ate only meat, eggs and home baked white bread. Would not touch veggies. Drank full cream milk. He smoked, mostly pipe, and drank half a bottle of fortified red wine per day. He filled his old days by sitting on the verandah whittling all day long. He died of cancer when he was 96.

The story for other grandfather is about the same. If they did not have cancer they would probably still have been alive.laugh

Early deaths in my family are by unnatural causes.
cheers dunno
Hi Thondae
Life is not so bad, girl. All you need is a good man and you would want to live for ever.grin
hug wave
If there's anything to that gene theory, sounds like you're gonna be with us for quite some time, Cat! dancing Heard once - The perfect way for a guy to die? Shot by a jealous husband at the age of 103! head banger Hope ya make it to 130...I'll miss ya.

Genes...Like the feller sez, we all carry within ourselves the seeds of our own destruction. sad flower
Hey Mr. Catfoot, please know that my lawyers are on their way. Withholding valuable information and culpable homicide of all the souls that suffered early deaths. Why after all these years Mr. Cat.?cheers rolling on the floor laughing
Hi Mimi
As you so aptly remarked, exercises are not important. To make up for it supplement your diet with Marie Antoinette's secret diet. Eat cake.laugh:
hug wave
Mic
There must be something to it. You get families where people get very old and there are families where people die relatively young and never get old. I don't know if it is a curse or a blessing but both sides of my family get very old.dunno
cheers wave
Mic
There must be something to it. You get families where people get very old and there are families where people die relatively young and never get old. I don't know if it is a curse or a blessing but both sides of my family get very old.dunno
cheers wave
No, definitely not.

Exercise, healthy eating, low stress if you can gives a chance of longer life.
what you put in a car is what you get out = performance.

human body too.
Hi Usha
Please don't sue.

I was kept quiet by the law. You needed a medical license to hand out advice like this but the law has changed. Anybody can now practice medicine. All you need a witchdoctor license.doh
Hey Mr. Cat, No charges pressed. After all I can add few extra years to me self, now that I know the secrets.rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing hug
I know a few witches. Pretty good folks really. One of them has a shop where you can pick up some of their health products....search sagethepaganway. angel
Hi Usha
That's right. Go ahead and do it. If it works then let me know so I can also follow it. I have been to scared to try it so far.doh
laugh rolling on the floor laughing
Usha
Same advice as to Minerva

Exercises are not important at all if you supplement your diet with Marie Antoinette's secret diet. Eat cake.
laugh laugh
Well Cat, I am sure that I must have been Marie Antoinette herself in a past life.. I always liked the cakes in France - it´s supposed to be the best patisserie in the the world!thumbs up
Also, I have always had a pain around the neck?dunno
Make criminal case files disappear? Really? They can really do that? ......I'm just wondering, of course.......only curious, really. It's not like I'd ever need something like that! Make criminal case files disappear. Nope.scold Not me! Uh...y'all believe that...right? uh oh
drinking I Ain't Saying Nothing. .....
Heyyy! Is Candy Camera, Still On? giggle
Minerva
I believe she was Austrian. Do you have any recollections of ever being a royal child in Vienna?

The pain in the neck I can cure permanently if we can find a working guillotine but it may impede certain other functions.doh
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Catfoot

Catfoot

Around here, Western Cape, South Africa

I know I cannot always have what I want, but that does not make me want it less. Otherwise I’m easy to please, flexible, accommodating and forgiving. I cool down as fast what I get cross. I hate it when people lie to me. I’m hooked to my laptop, but [read more]

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