The Wedding - Woman-style
No, not getting married.
. Just going to somebody else's wedding.It takes nearly as much planning as actually getting married - for the woman at least.
The invitation arrives approximately 6 weeks in advance. The first decision is whether to accept or not.
If you have a partner, you discuss with him.
If you don't, you have to make a decision on whether to as somebody to go with you (that would be a full blog in itself!) Or go alone.
Decision has been made to go.
If the reception is far enough away, you will have to book accomodation for the night,This will either be the wedding hotel, or a nearby B&B.
Now the hard job starts.
6 weeks is not long to get the perfect dress for this particular wedding, matching shoes (or sandals if it is a summer wedding), jacket or throw, bag and various accessories.
Whilst all this is going on, one also has to decide what to do with one's hair. Upstyle, blowdry straight etc.
You have to plan even basic hair trims carefully so that it is the perfect length for the wedding.
This also goes for nails. Yes men, we have to think about nail length in advance.
This also goes for body hair. You have to plan your waxing very carefully so that it is long enough to wax off just on time for the wedding, but not so long that you look like Yeti for the few weeks before!
Fast forward to the week of the wedding. One starts working backwards from the wedding day. Everybody has their own routine, but this is pretty standard:
D Day = Wedding Day
D Day - 3 : Get every hair on your body violently plucked out. Yes, even down there!
D Day - 2: AM Rise earlier than usual and exfoliate every cell from your skin until you are red and tingling
D Day - 2: PM: Get spray tan applied, wearing loose clothing and no underwear, so it doesn't streak, and flipflops on your feet, even in the middle of winter.
Sleep in this dark brown skin all night having carefully removed your 400 thread white Egyptian cotton sheets in advance, and putting on the sheets that should have been thrown out years ago but are useful for occasions such as this.
D Day - 1: AM: Rise earlier than usual and make your shower turn brown by showering excess spray tan off. Use old towel to dry yourself off (see sheet explanation)
D Day - 1: PM - Get finger nails and toe nails Shellaced (long-life nail polish to the uninitiated).
Ensure dress, shoes etc are all laid out for the morning.
D Day - AM: Get up with the dawn chorus to shower. Got to hairdresser early in the morning to do the wash, cut and blowdry you had booked 6 weeks earlier. Make sure she knows it is for a wedding so she will take extra care.
Go straight from hairdresser to beautician across town to get your face done. I want the smokey look to give a sultry mysterious Holywood starlet look. Sounds good on paper at least!
Arrive home. Can't even have a cup of tea because of the fancy red lipstick..starlets don't need to eat.
Carefully put on clothes without disturbing hair or make-up.
Be tired enough to want to go back to bed by the time you have to leave for the wedding. Only the thought of lots of wine at the meal and lots f vodka at the reception is enough to sustain you.
Go to wedding.
Men:
D Day: Shower, put on suit, eat big breakfast, go to wedding.
Comments (32)
You does not suppose to look better than the one, that's getting married. But! Do fix your hair, into a style. wash it first.
you will look just find. And you just might meet someone there. So! Go along. Or with a family member. Or just a plain male friend.
If you are getting married, and haven't invited me, there'll be slaps!
It all seems in order
You might want to change the "Shower" for "spray on some lynx" in the last sentence.
I wont be happy until someone invents spray on clothing with added deodorant
Benni,
Ohhhhh the hokey pokey.
Now thats what its all about
Kind of like the cycling gear they all wear now,
but see through.
Yes the world of my Imagination is full of those too
I use the rhythm method when I've had to much drink..
You are going to have a ball!
You can print off my list and stick it up on the fridge so you can use it as a reminder of what needs doing!
I am on D Day - 2 myself
This one just appeared as a result of a telephone conversation I had to a male friend when I was out walking thd dog.
I was telling him how busy I was this week, due to going to the wedding on Saturday.
And as I described it to him, it sounded so ridiculous to my ears, I felt it would make an amusing blog.
If I accept the invitation there is nothing more to do other than sending my suit to the dry cleaners and I may think about cutting my hair if needed.
If I don't have a steady girlfriend at the time, I go alone for there will always be a few single ladies at a wedding.
The fake tan made me laugh, reminded me of a friend who woke up the next morning after a hookup with some guy, to find her spray tan all over his white sheets.
The father of my kids, he's Indian, therefore I attended a lot of Indian weddings during our marriage. Always need get a new sari for each wedding. Hard to 'recycle' them by wearing them again in another wedding coz the ladies (normally you have the same circle of people attending!
Unla..the tan is a pain alright. I rarely get it done, but it just suits what I am wearing tomorrow!
Mimi..we do that here too. If there are no 'cross-over' people, you would get away with wearing the same dress to another wedding!