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In a relationship, does marriage make any better?

My friend got married last month, June, the season of well planned tying of the knots. There is something special in this one though, it is her fourth marriage. As I was contemplating on her reasons, I can't help but ask myself, why would anyone wants to tie themselves in the same institution when all of those that took place ended up in bitter divorce?

I myself was offered a proposal to get engaged and eventually to get married, but after two divorces, I don't think I would ever want to be married again. Specially at my age, I'd rather just get along with the flow than becoming a property of anyone's.

Question is: Why do we get married? (Raising children is no longer an issue) Apart from economic benefits, does love and or a relationship function better just because we do get married?

Thanks all for your responses.

Comments (65)

Zeurich
Marriage, for me marriage does not make any sens. Honestly getting married then divorce then again crap no way. If I will married again some day with the person who can be with me for the rest of the life. That I will decide after living with him. Till then I prefer to have my freedom to say ta ta bye...and get the hell out of him. well that is how I see. By the way when I hear getting married freaks me out sigh one of my friends went through the same she was divorced from a very cruel one. And then she got married again and now again divorce,,, I don't understand that either....wine wine happy Sunday lindsy
Zeurich
Sorry cute photo... bouquet
Z my friend, I was born Catholic and being in the culture, it is a built in mores and values that can't be altered. No divorce in my birth country. But having become a US citizen and part of the most popular culture of marriage then divorce, marriage then divorce, it is like nothing.

But yes, I don't get it either. I made a commitment that I will not get married again, ever. Besides changing my name just isn't easy. So thanks my friend.bouquet
Thanks, my friend, taken last year in Queensland.
velsix
I failed at two marriages, there will never be a third! I can only speak from a man's point of view but I think in todays world there is no need for marriage. Women, for too long, have suffered being the 'Little woman', neither of my wives really had a life, being stuck at home with the children and the constant house work etc. while I was off out doing my thing. Now it's time for them to be treated as equals and not be tied to some 'Useless lump' by a piece of paper. JMO mind you from one who has learnt from his mistakes. sigh

bouquet
Velsix, thank you for your valued comment. I imagine, you both were young and had to commit to the procreation project. I do understand that. But I am talking about an age, where our independence is affected to our disadvantage on such a call.

I do feel that if there is so much love and so much pride in being called the Mr. And Mrs. impact, can perhaps cause me to say yes,.

Thanks Velsix.
There is noting in the world like the devotion of a married woman
It is a thing no married men
Knowss any thing about
QW.

Woolgathering of the Fly...


peace
itchywitch
Howdy do Miss Jones wave

To answer your question NO" it doesn't make it any better...
infact it makes the relationship boring as for life itself being married makes you and it boring, life that is and yes i guess, that too if you know what i meanroll eyes

I was 26 when i got married, how i felt afterwards was the worst feeling for the longest time ever and i would never ever risk feeling like that again...unless of course he was kevin costner, mindya, i think now thats abit of a fib, i'd gladly be that mans property blushing

I think Ms Jones when people keep repeating their mistakes over and over again its more about feeling secure than it is anything else... besides some people are glutens for punishments uh oh

Just my thoughts but i dunno
itchywitch
Oops misprint theredoh
but nevermind, what i really meant don't matter atall...
so i shan't correct ithole
I can imagine your jubilation James. So is it because of the euphoric feelings of being your wife that makes it so contemplatively spiritual? Or is more of a mental state of security?

Will not a better and easy exit if contract wasn't in the deal?
nighty70
Hello my dear friend lindsay for me is marriage just only a paper it make nothing better without marriage you can be also happy thumbs up
My Ms Jones, I am sorry to hear about that long term disappointment you had. But I can't really complain on mine which lasted 28 years, but looking at how it was in the end, not that difficult as it was me that wanted out..

But knowing what I am capable and what makes me happy now, I wouldn't need to be tied up, again. But I am in a very volatile moment of will or not will to that question.

Thanks Ms.
witch.

I will order a look alike of Kevin Costner comes your way..

Glad to see you my friend.
So my friend, Nighty, happiness and all the other stuff has nothing to do with the contract, right?

Thanks..then why do people do it for the third, fourth, even fifth and more? Like the late Elizabeth Taylor? I wonder..
Zeurich
Lindsy let the time to decide that... hug hug Take easy step at a time and see how goes and where it goes,, just enjoy your life.teddybear
LoveRanger52
Ive never been married, but have been in many long and short term relationship over the coarse of a lifetime, so i fully understand all the complexities without engaging in marital conduct...The bottom line is, you are either going to get along, or you're not..its just that Simple.

I do see there would be a greater pride initially when marriage occurs, and i could see where at my age its becoming more desirable,

But it doesn't ensure everlasting true love, and with that being known, will probably never lead to me marriage moping
bhadra
hi linda

Why do we get married?
There are many benefits – physical, emotional as well as spiritual.
Very important is support in various acts if the marriage is successful. Perhaps, that's why people get married.

You are asking this question in CS. Here I hope most are single. Most of us may have not very positive experience. However, there are many successful marriages, too. They did not get married two times. Or after second times, there is no need to marry.

People are getting married second, third, even forth times. Why? They might find happiness in marriage. This is not applied to every one. Everyone have different understanding and choices.
nighty70
Why people marriage so many times well i dont know but one think i know people say always to fast i love you and they dont mean it they are only word to much false promises scammes lies i like somethink to do not only to tell i dont know i explain it good or not
Ken_19
For whatever internal reason your premise totally ignores the billions who never divorced and for whom the marriage worked. What's up with that?
Thanks my dear Z. I think there is the initial thrill of looking at the finger and the symbol is proudly displayed. Yet I don't for one second would prefix a better function..
Two things Love, first you've never been in the deal but of course, the very fact that a long and short term as well gone consumed without the contract, meaning perhaps its just the symbol?

But you mentioned on the "desirability" due to your age? Meaning, does the sound become more conducive to stability maybe?

Thanks Love
Bhadra, are you telling me, that all the elements of being physical, emotional and spiritual are less in a manner and degree just because there is no contract?

I am more disagreeing on this but I will let other say what they think.

I think cultural is one thing, but being in the physical aspect, would it make me less?
Nighty, I am inclined to believe that fulfillment ratio might be a factor, but that is me. I would not changed the fact that I got married specially in the account of my children. But now, it doesn't seem needed, for me more than anything else. However, my fiancee, does want to get married, and we both know when the finality will make it in time, I just might.
itchywitch
I think you have misunderstood me there Ms jones...
i'm not meaning my marriage or any disapointments that may of followed.. but as young girls its all we ever dream of, the white dress, the big wedding and marrying Mr Right..once that dreams being fullfilled after its being dreamth for so many years.. what to say but for some of us and for sometime our dreams remain empty till we learn how to dream up new dreams for ourself heart wings

D.I.V.O.R.C.E. too is a dream come true giggle
Ken, I have not touched any premise, stating that billions of you who got married, are you happier and therefore don't divorce? Not at all Ken. In fact if anything, it is a question answered by anyone, married or not, because what makes you assume that they are happy to begin with? Now that doesn't mean that there are many whose foundation of their reasons, has not diminish at all.

The truth is, according to Google, there are more divorces today than there ever was. Specially in the first and second world.
KNenagh
Hi LJ, wave I would have to be very sure that something is "forever" before I would have ever thought about getting married. Even though I had long relationships and family was discussed, I didn't see it lasting forever. Haven't regretted these decisions. dunno

Only reason for me to get married would be kids and that is not on the agenda anymore. If it would be important for someone else, I would only ever get married once and with a pre-nup. conversing
I am sorry Ms Witch my friend. Yes indeed, the thrill and the excitement of all the prominence and distinction it gives us, the preparation alone, hmmnnn, what a thrill that is.

Well I might say, that in birth country, virginity is a big thing before the wedding, as proclaimed and sanctioned by the church. When one gets married, there is this expectation that completes the cycle of pro creation and production of the human specie of which only fulfilled in being married.

When one has a child without being married, it is a very shameful and very derogatory act to society.

Although no longer the effect, people do often married for the consumation of a mutual act.
LoveRanger52
Yes hug
Ms KN, the product of the commercialized and very narcissistic century. I do feel you. I am so impressed at the colossal effect of people's earned wealth that they do served best in their eventual separation, all that has been acquired prior to the nuptial.

Unheard of prior to the beginning of this century, it is perhaps one of the strongest reasons why people do dive into it, considering all their assets are not at disadvantage and work both ways. The case of the late Anna Nicole Smith is one such a sensational story that scoped the world as to what marriage is without the power of money, between a very young woman to someone who is old enough to be a great grand dad.
Well love, I am looking forward to hear you in jubilation that then marriage has consumed you and your love one..
Ken_19
Of course there are more divorces. It is now being permitted in more places, with more places coming. Clearly as the percentage of the planet's occupants gaining access to something grows, so too will their use of it. What you have to do is compare the numbers of still married, to those divorced, or filing for. As long as the marriage number remains higher, then clearly it remains a viable choice.

Regarding me. I WAS happy being married. I believe my wife was too. Like elsewhere written, I would do it again with her in a second. So saying "why would anyone wants to tie themselves in the same institution when all of those that took place ended up in bitter divorce?" just isn't true. Some did, but millions today would never end a partnership they are happy in and which has no bitterness.
Calleis
Hey Lindsy! Actually marriage is a contract, and therefore this step should be thought through well before taking it. dance
Of course marriage leads to a stronger bond between the two, but if they really decide to be together for a longer time, they will also succeed without the marriage procedure. batting
Ken my question stands the same. Perhaps, only a question to those who had been divorce, because it is very obvious that those who are not, are in fact happy and remain so. There are more record of divorces than those that remain married and never divorce, in my humble opinion..
KNenagh
At the moment there is a thread up to describe someone's ex in word.
uh oh uh oh uh oh
I think I was the only one saying anything positive and it makes me wary to see how many people have picked a very bad partner for themselves.

Even if I wasn't married I had good relationships and I think that there are very happy marriages and an outer sign of commitment is just important to some people.

My ex had built up a business himself and I wouldn't have wanted to take that away from him when things didn't work out. When things go wrong, often all decency goes out of the window and people try to hurt each other every way possible. I wouldn't want to take off someone what they built up for themselves and I am simply expecting the same and would take precautions.
Yes to me on this one Calleis. It is not a wham bam affair, as it is a very well thought of event like you said.

In the absence of such a contract, I feel, still the effect on the course of the relationship remains the same. Why would my value diminish just because there is no binding legal papers to carry it with?

I am the same, I will remain so within that relationship married or not..

Thanks Calleis. Right now, I am more cautious and more independently inclined and I believe this builds up even a more careful conduct, just my opinion..

Love grows whether married or not just as love dies married or not.

It isn't the power of the paper that directs the conduct of two in a committed relationship. My rules on honesty and openness don't change just because I am not a marriage material.

Thanks my friend.
Minerva88
Hi again Lindsy.
I think I´ll give it a miss on this one and will leave a comment with no comment.
I could actually write a book about this topic but not for tonight. Going to bed - alone, happy, without having to put up with somebody snoring and whatever by the side of me.laugh
KN, my one and only reason, right now, why I don't jump to any offer, as I had so many in the previous 6 years that I have been single, is because of me. Nothing to do with him and or the marriage itself. If we will constitute separation anyways as a possibility as confirmed on Wikipedia, that Marriage end up in divorce, 50 percent, this is one heck of a scary statistics to me.

So sans contract, he is happy, I am happy, at the moment, then when troubles begin and out the door we go, why get married.
My good friend, Min, there you go my friend. You're being alone, seems showered with no encumberance on someone's ways of life then?

Perhaps, it is better to be just alone? Maybe? I am not really discrediting the fact that there are more blessings, and more thrills and excitement on being with someone my friend, and decidedly so that I will be on this relationship for a very long time if I can. It is just that the shadow of doubts come lurking like a dark and sinister weather and when that happens, then I will take cover, all alone.. then again, he can cover me up and protect me in his arms. Yes he snores, too, but well...

Love you my friend..and good night. Do write the book later..
1to1to1
Hello Lindsywave , nowadays ,I don t think marriage makes any difference. I ve known ,a number of couples who lived happily together for yrs, and then once married, the relationship and marriage was over,confused . Here in Canada, if an unmarried couple separates, (after a certain time together), they re treated legally as if they were married ,for separation purposes.I asked a few people, that were very happy together, what changed after they got married.confused I was told that marriage changed them , from partners in a relationship, into possessions of marriage. A sign of the times, a divorce is easier than making an effort to stay together. Yes Lindsy ,its got me confuseddoh
Garytee
Good blog Lindsay - wow singles site alright. thumbs up wave
CailinCallaghan
Hi Kaibigan! wave I believe in marriage. I've done it twice and I still love both of the eedjits. One of them I'd likely marry again, in fact. Nice man...

I think marriage is about committment. I wasn't able to have children so that has never figured in the equation. For me marriage says "I'll always love you and I am giving this effort 100%". (I might find I can't live with you but that's another issue.) If the right man came along, I'd marry just as I did the first two times: without worry or reservation. I have come close to marriage several times and the ones with which I did not follow through I backed away from because of doubt. It's like an inner alarm that says "Danger Will Robinson!"

Actually, I love love and marriage. Without them, it's just existence. Like being in a holding pattern over joy and unable to find a place to set down. bouquet

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