A GUIDE TO THE INTERNET
G'day one and all,Yes i know the internet has been around since the days of Abraham. (http://www.connectingsingles.com/blog_58861_1/how_it_came_to_pass.htm#comments)
Basically, everything on the internet is rubbish but I will try to pinpoint the main areas to avoid.
If I want to find something out I will ask someone or read a book. I paid over three thousand dollars for my complete leather bound set of Funk & Wagnalls in 1967 and if it is not in there then it is not worth knowing.
Also, man will walk on the moon before I have a facebook page.
Now here is my list to help you all out.
When I was young and I wanted to know something, I was beaten for being too inquisitive. That's the problem with the young people today, they have a google answer for everything. If they had to walk to their local library every time they had something stupid to ask they would ask a lot less stupid questions.
Google Images
Google Images is useless. I used it once to search for a photo of farm equipment and it showed me twenty thousand pictures of horse d*ck.
Blogging
I read a blog once by someone who had bought a scarf and he went on for about three hundred paragraphs about his scarf and where he bought it and how it made him feel. The last time I bought a scarf I wore it. End of story. I didn't write a novel about it.
Chatrooms
If I wanted to chat with strangers, I would pick up the phone and press random numbers. I tried a chatroom once and was talking to guy who claimed he was an obese fifty three year old man living in a caravan park but there is no way of knowing if these people are telling the truth.
Why would I want anybody I don't know knowing what I am doing? I don't yell out to everyone in the supermarket "I am buying oranges" so why would I want to do it on my internet? When I was young, I lived in a small village where everybody knew each other and knew what everyone was up to. There was a fat italian kid who lived next door to me named Tony. One day I shot him in the leg with a home made bow & arrow from my treehouse that overlooked his yard and his parents called the police. Within hours the entire village was calling me William Tell. Having escaped the small town mentality for the last forty two years, I am hardly going to advertise my movements now.
The Bath Mat
I realise this is not internet related but I cannot understand why it is so hard for people to hang the bath mat over the bath when they are finished using it. I don't leave the mat all soggy for other people to walk on after I have been in there.
I have a photo album on my bookshelf full of faces of people I know which I haven't opened since 1982 so why would I want their faces on my internet? None of them are even very good looking. I tried facebook to see what all the fuss was about and was only on there five minutes before some idiot poked me. It is easy to be brave when you are on the internet.
eBay
If I wanted a house full of cheap, dirty, second hand rubbish, I would go to a garage sale in Klemzig.
People are always sending me all kinds of rubbish. Why would I want dozens of pictures of lots of love rats? I hate rats. I went away for a week recently and when I got back and checked my email, I had eight hundred and forty three messages. Eight hundred and forty of these were adverts for viagra and the other three were pictures of lots of love rats.
I bought a 'no junk mail' sticker and stuck it on my modem but nobody has taken any notice.
(Disclaimer,this article was written to bring a smile to the faces of those that read it, maybe even a chuckle, No offence is meant to any person dead or alive)
Comments (35)
to annoy others,
but mainly cause i can.
He said,"Mom, ALLLLLL that has been written since the beginning of time is written according to the way every individual perceives things and how they reveal their truths. For anyone to claim their truth and facts are the only truth and facts as well as those who limit their minds with on one set of truths and facts are foolish". I thought dang! How blessed I am to have a man like that in my life circle!
My daughter was homeschooled, via internet so she was on internet a LOT. She was shocked at the deference of the teachings of historical facts ALLOWED in the school systems to be taught verses historical documentations.
It does make a huge difference between the ways we have been educated and how are children are now educated.
Your example is very valid,
I am sorry that you can not download your favourite cheese, but maybe you could download "how to make it"
There is a chapter in in "funk & wagnalls" that shows how to make cheese.
It the least i can do for a friend.
For this valuable advise. I will make a copy of it and keep it for posterity. I may even use it as a blog on three weeks time claiming it as my own.
I don't know if it was by design or by accident bot you did not advise us about youtube.
You did it again! Love it! Especially the Facebook piece. Thank you for the chuckle. Just what the doctor ordered!
Z..you are in the country of Manchego...lucky man!
A few blogs had vanished into thin air and some of their authors with them. Even my inbox lost an entry or two.
Ah yes You Tube,
I thought it be best to leave that alone.
Didnt want anyone to think i had an agenda.
You are welcome to rewrite this in 3 weeks or so, I hear from a very unreliable source that you have some excellent writers that work for a company called Copy & Paste
be still my beating heart.
Again you have graced me/us with your presence.
Unfortunately, Social media is taking over the world, thus our lives.
I should be grateful though, how else would i have been able to meet such a beautiful person such as yourself and others.
i have it somewhere here on my hard drive,
If only i knew how to look it up for you, seeing as you seem very interested in him,
I shall search for he's details and send them off to you.
Great to see you around. even if it is to ask for someone else's details.
I should think it not worth our time looking for the missing blogs or those that may have written them,
I think their are investigators from "scotland yard" looking into it.
Funny...I do not go on facebook that often since I joined cs...I like the blogs here!!
I can imagine attending someones grave site one day and reading,
"here lays ............ beautiful husband, father and friend to 1,639 people on facebook",
The blogs are a temperamental place sometimes, But mainly fun.
I dont have any intention of going anywhere else.
Here lies simmo...a good man but not a face book member...
may GOD,
your laying me to rest already, and just as i have reached the prime of my life.
Just thought you would like a preview of your headstone...
Blogging is interesting... There were sites once for avid writers, but they have changed the format of sites now and the blogosphere isn't what it used to be.
Garage sales were invented so you could see how the other half live, weren't they?
Nice to hear from you...I remember doing homework with Funk and Wagnall's...but find the internet easier and much more diverse...just have to look for an accredited site...this world is changing!!
yes the memories, things arent what they used to be.
There is a saying however,
"the more things change, the more they stay the same"
Good to see you back around.
How are things going,
Are you still in touch with Mike?
if so how is he, havent seen him for like ages.
We didn't have internet when I was using them... we were still using 'fiche' in libraries.
Hello Simmo,
We have both been busy. Work is always insane for me. But Mike is concentrating on moving to Australia. It's just less than two weeks to go now .