Part Time Lover

Hi friends, I'm in a confusion and would appreciate your opinions here.

I have no desire to marry and have kids again, been there, done that...but wants someone special to share some parts of my life with. I'm not looking forward to sharing the same house with that special someone and cuddle everyday. All I want is to have a respectable relationship on part time basis, what I mean by this is that I want to have a separate life, have enough time and space for myself...spend time with that special someone whenever it's convenient for both of us, like seeing each other 3x times a week. A part time relationship but with set rules and with respect to each other. So far no one agrees with what I want.

Does what I want debase the value of a relationship?

confused

Thanks and have a good night/day everyone!teddybear
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Comments (64)

I think this is a practical arrangement for single parents. dunno

I would have thought that a good few people would be interested in that, I do think this is popular in Germany with the "older" generation. conversing

I do like living with someone and sharing my life and want the whole shebang, but we all want something different, best of luck in finding what makes you happy. bouquet
That would be a perfect setup for me as well but unfortunately hard to find. The idea of sharing every single moment of my life with another frightens me. I need too much time on my own to put myself in a 24/7 relationship. One of the reasons why I never got married again.
BC, true but if both want the same thing, it could be good. Love is already there but I don't want it to be overwhelming...
Ken, yes I want a bf to love but I don't want him to have too much influence in my life, I've been in a controlling relationship , I don't want someone to tell me how to live my life again...I want to have control over my life and live it the way I want this time.
KN, I don't want just anybody...I'm in a relationship but he wants it all, relationship all in his way...I don't want the same thing, leads him to believe that I don't care enough to want him wholely. I do care, a lot but I'm terrified of committing myself totally, once I do it won't be easy to get out...It's for life. I do have other priorities in life aside from him, I just want to create balance.
Angel!!!!

I'm having some cappuccino here, there's a cup here for you, please come over here.
Hi Ekself! After being married for 10 that ended in divorce almost three years ago, I start to believe that marriage doesn't wholely define the relationship. When I got married, it was perfect , a perfect life with the perfect guy but it didn't last forever. What's the point of getting married if we can't keep our vows for a lifetime?

I want to have someone but he wants a "perfect relationship" . I don't think there's such thing. I'll be happy to share part of my life with him but not to totally change it for him. Now we've come to a point where I have to chose to give in to him or we go our separate ways which he is not willing to do also. I don't feel good being pressured but I don't like the feeling of losing him either.
10 years..
Hello LS,

I will take a part-time lover. BTW, wasn't there a song name "Part Time Lover." Wasn't it John Hall and Bob Hope that sang it? LOL


Yes....I have had a couple tonight. :)
Johnny!!

Glad to know you understand what I want...

Yeah, there's that song and I like it...grin
No. Definitely not.
Your profile states clearly the relationship you want. You could be more clear by putting the text from this blog in your profile.

If you look at women's profiles on CS, many say things very similar and STRONGLY recommend doing just this in their CS comments.

It's perfectly acceptable most places to have more than one friend. It's perfectly acceptable in many places to sleep with more than one person. You decide.

This is what you want now, and if what you want changes if the future, it changes. If it does, you can change your profile.

Some people can never say what it is that they want.

You are doing fine. Keep up the good work!
hug
Post, Thanks!

It's kinda difficult to sort things out when you and your partner want different things...But I have loyalty and honesty on my side that somehow help sort out the problems...hoping for the best here.

Have a good day there.teddybear
KN, I don't want just anybody...I'm in a relationship but he wants it all, relationship all in his way...I don't want the same thing, leads him to believe that I don't care enough to want him wholely. I do care, a lot but I'm terrified of committing myself totally, once I do it won't be easy to get out...It's for life. I do have other priorities in life aside from him, I just want to create balance.

It is hard to walk away from someone you have feelings for, but if it leads to a life you are not happy with, move on. conversing

If someone wants marriage and commitment and the other person doesn't in the same way, in my experience, it usually won't be going on for a lot longer. dunno

Best of luck to you. bouquet
KN, Thanks!

Hope you're having a nice day there.

With so many things going on with me, all at the same time , I'm in a dilemma.

I've tried to move on a year ago but he didn't accept it. I know how much he cares about me and did many things to make me happy so I feel guilty and somehow pressured to do my part to make the relationship work.

Few months back I simply didn't think about this complicated relationship, I do my thing and didn't let it bother me but now I've reached a point where I have to face it and make a decision...not an easy one,doh
Love
Yep! Your this blog post impressed me to the extent that I add you in my favorite list so that I should have the knowledge, when you are online and it can facilitate me to follow your incoming posts.thumbs up
But simultaneously I got a bit depressed to see the future of a promising hypothesis end into a pragmatic approach, to reform a relationship to work and thereby compromising the integrity of a virtue called love. thumbs down
You, typically behaving like a studio scholar, are the same confused mass of protoplasm who serve well the purpose of smiling serpents. But you have the potential to stand up and come out of that vicious cycle, though the probability is one in hundred. Could you be that one?frustrated
Iota, Thank you so much...

You're one of the good ones I admire here on the blogland too...It wouldn't be complete without you and our other friends here.

Don't worry, I always come out of any vicious cycle...I'm kinda relentless when I badly want something. I have tremendous self respect, honesty and love for others that bring colors and spices in my life and guide me to where it is that I want to be.

Have a nice evening thereteddybear
Love
Please...I beg rather...please take my word truly in spirit. And I am pretty sure you would.gift
We claim or brag anything but life is such a wonderful laboratory which puts all and sundry, to a litmus test. conversing
In the competitions of the world events, the results are displayed on the notice boards, sooner or later, in spite of the mighty covering up agencies.wow
But life, because it has to consistently maintain its mystery to keep up with its never fading glamor, never ever get the outcome of that litmus test, revealed. It comes forth, many times in the form of a person who is no less than an institution......and we say without any intention or hitch.....Oh! Beauty! Splendid!gift
....and once in thousand years....AN ENLIGHTENED SOUL.....and the vested interests turn it into a fiasco called religion.doh
You have a lot going on and it's not fair that you are pressurised at a time like that. hug

I do know about the guilt having someone loving you and not reciprocating the feeling the same way. Is one person in love enough? dunno

If you could live without him for a good length of time, it probably answers your question. I find delaying important decision doesn't make me feel good. I try to make a decision, move on and I usually can live with them. conversing

Best of luck again. bouquet
Iota, you always make me::grin: laugh rolling on the floor laughing thanks!
Kn, thanks!

I'm not sure that only one person in love is enough to make the relationship work..but maybe just maybe, I could give it try again but within my boundaries this time around.
I experienced both at the end of relationships - someone loving me and I'm not him, and me loving him and he not me. It wasn't enough. flower

Love should make us happy and everyone has to find a way how that works for them. bouquet
Kn,

That's what I'm trying to do...find a way how to make it work but I'm only willing to go halfway. I really don't have the heart to make someone who's loving me that much unhappy. I feel quiet lucky but it's overwhelming and threatens my freedom and independence...the word marriage gives me goosebumps.sigh
"I don't want someone to tell me how to live my life again...I want to have control over my life and live it the way I want this time."

And this brings us to the crux of who we choose to have our relationships with. Any good long term partnership relationship involves both people yielding some control to the other. 1 Corinthians 7 calls it subjugating. Without both being willing to do this, nothing will work or last. Therefore the secret is to not use who sends the first email, or who smells or looks the best as the indicator of who your relationship should be with. Instead, ideally, we choose the one with whom a life together will require the least yielding of control simply because both of you already are in agreement about various topics before they even arise. You want it to last, you find one who thinks and believes just like you do and who has the same intersts. Many don't. Don't choose them.
Ken, thanks!

Have a good one there
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