Dating Safely on the Internet IV

Talk with this person as often and as long as possible, but listen and listen good. Don’t get carried away with telling the story of your life and listening to his, to the point that you are not really listening to him/her. You will be amazed at how much people give away about themselves in conversations without realizing it. But if you are not really listening, you will miss out on these very vital clues. So, when you listen, “listen between the lines”. As soon as you have gathered enough clues about this person to be able to make initial determination, decide what you want to do. Do you want to take it further or you want to cut them off? If they are not the kind of people you want in your life, let them know that you are not into them, and cut them off. If they call, ignore. Most people with self respect will stop calling if you ignore their calls a few times. If they don’t, they just confirmed your suspicion about their personality. The good thing is, no one is able to do you any harm through the phone. We all receive junk calls from marketers and all we do is ignore them, right? Some phones allow you to block them these days. As a rule on my phone, all calls from people not in my address book go to voicemail. Some may think that is drastic, but it is the way I have some peace from anonymous and unwanted callers.

Next, if you feel you are talking to the “right person”, and you want to take it up a notch, then arrange a video chat, if possible. There are quite a few of them out there these days. Skype and most web based email clients will let you video chat for free. The purpose of this is to confirm, and to build on what you have learned so far about this person. See about using video chat a few times before the physical meeting. You will be surprised what you can learn about this person through their appearance and surrounding. For instance, this person sounds really nice when you were on the phone with them, and even now on video chat, but for instance, there is a framed picture in the background that says, “I am a proud Satanist”. It is up to you to decide whether a Satanist is your idea of a future partner or not. If it is not working for you, call it off.

If you are still feeling this person, arrange a meet. It may sound redundant, but please don’t go to their house or bring them to yours, unless you are absolutely sure it is what you want to do. It should not be a surprise that you end up sleeping with each other over the weekend. It is natural. Please don’t complain about it afterwards because you saw it coming. You are both grown adults and you were not raped. If the relationship fails after the sex session, be mature and deal with it. You simply could have avoided it by not spending the night at his or her place. A meeting at an open place like a restaurant, coffee shop, park or movie theatre is better. Going to each other’s place is a step you should take ONLY after you are convinced it is what you want to do, because you know what it might lead to.

If you have noticed something you don’t like about this person; which does not agree with you or gives you the jitters, don’t downplay it. Don’t think you can change a grown person. You are not God. A lot of people have made this mistake and paid dearly for it. If it is not right now, it will not get any better later. If he is already a chain smoker and you don’t like to be with one, don’t fool yourself into thinking you can make him stop. If she is already a heavy drinker, she may even become a heavier drinker down the road. So, don’t start it if you cannot finish it.