I Love Jokes and Riddles

Hillary is lying in bed wide-eyed one night, and starts poking Bill in the back. "Wake up," she says. Bill just turns over and groans. Again, she pokes him the back and says, "Bill, wake up!" "What do you want?" he grunts in a sleepy voice. "I'm going to the bathroom," she says. "You woke me up just to tell me your going to the bathroom?" "No," Hillary says. "I want you to save my place.

A highway patrolman pulled up alongside a speeding car on the freeway. As the officer peered through the driver's window, he was astounded to find that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!" at the top of his lungs. "No!" the blonde yelled back, "Scarf!"

Arthur is 81 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 16 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it" he tells his wife "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so
bad. Once I've hit the ball I can't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes.

As they sit down, she makes a suggestion: "Why don't you take my
brother with you and give it one more try." "That's no good" sighs Arthur. "Your brother is 93 years old. He can't help." "He may be a ninety three" says the wife "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway.
He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go?" asks Arthur.

"Can't remember."