A Letter From The Queen.
This is not intended for those who comment without reading the entire blog or those lacking a sense of humor. And those with an inflated sense of patriotism better stop here as well.
To the government of the former Republic of South Africa from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:
Due to your continued failure to financially support yourselves and your complete failure to elect competent Presidents, you are declared unfit to govern yourselves. We hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following will be implemented with immediate effect
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all provinces except for the district of Magersfontein, which still leaves a foul taste in her mouth. Those not willing to accept British rule will be banished to Magersfontein.
In future, the ‘Boer War’ will be referred to as the ‘Boer Rebellion’. All statues of the rebel leaders and generals will be incarcerated on Robben Island, which will henceforth be known as ‘Boerasic Park’. The space vacated by such statues will be filled with statues of Sir Redvers Buller, Lord Kitchener, Lord Roberts, and the likes of them.
Your national flag, which resembles a beach towel, will be replaced by the Union Jack. Your parliament is disbanded with immediate effect. Her Majesty has appointed Peter Hain as Governor for South Africa. He will arrive shortly and there will be no need for further elections. This should not change the schedules of most MPs because they never attend any parliament sessions in any way.
Using South African slang, like ‘ja’, ‘kak’, lekka’ and so forth, is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as South African English. Having a multitude of official languages (as you have) is confusing and English will be the only recognised language. All street and town names that were changed after 1910, will revert back to the original British names. Your public holidays will all be replaced with British public holidays.
You must tell us what happened to the Kruger millions. It is driving us crazy. An internal revenue agent (tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will join you shortly to ensure the gathering of all monies due to the Crown. This will be backdated to the formation of your, now defunct, republic.
The former RSA will adopt the British currency and the ZAR will be useless paper only fit to play monopoly (not that it is worth much more as it stands now). No compensation will be paid for losses incurred by the switch of currency. You will seize to import inferior products from the East. As of now, all imports will be only from the United Kingdom. UK prices on petrol will come into immediate effect.
Duels are forbidden. You will learn to resolve differences without using guns, spears, or any other traditional weapons. Your need for weapons to resolve issues shows that you're not ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for hunting. If you can't sort things out without shooting someone, then you're not ready to hunt. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a peashooter. You will require a license if you wish to carry a peashooter in public.
God Save the Queen!
A very happy St Valentine's day to all you sweet dolls out there.
Comments (39)
When was this letter written and sent?
You see, this is because this letter has me wonder.. which one came first, Boerasic Park or Jurassic Park?
Ah, so you found the connection between the two. It should be obvious but is it relevant which came first? It is like the egg and the chicken.
I don't know why some of my ancestors were so unhappy about British rule. I think we would have done much better under British rule.
Or somebody in SA.
I knew he is an MP but for what party he stands or what party is ruling Britain is not important to us here at the southern tip of Africa. I included him because he is so well-loved by the South-African rugby crowds.
I once saw something similar addressed to America and suddenly remembered about it yesterday. It got my head working.
I fear I do not understand your comment. Could you rephrase to enlighten me?
Ah well, these things happen. Given that the Internet is just one massive information gathering machine, we should expect things like that.
You think so? Just take a good look at me
Very little can be worse than what we have now. I suppose it ain't so bad, we could have had Mugabe.
the blog is suppose to be funny and I expected comments in that line but I seldom get comments as I expect. People do not always understand my humor.
She certainly was born with a lot of privileges...
Amazing? tell me about it.
You're too sharp for me. You had me fishing in deep water.
Wait until you have seen his house. It will outshine the dwellings of most leaders. Yet, most the people in his country are starving. This while his children have the luxury of studying overseas.
She had me in deep water. I did not know what she meant. I'm not very bright today. I interpreted your comment for serious as well. Maybe my biorhythms are a but offbeat today.
Unfortunately, the same can be said of most of our country leaders too....
I suppose nobody promised us that life will be fair.
Poor guy! Have a heart, it is Valentine's day. Spread a little love around.
DC:
Some guys can get bubbles very quickly, especially on big days.
Men are very sensitive creatures, very much like computers and need to be handled with care. They are so unlike women, who are more robust like stoves and can take a bit of punishment. To give you a perfect example, if your pea soup boils over on the stove, you can wipe it off once it has cooled a bit but if you spill even just a bit of pea soup on your keyboard, it is a disaster.
I won't lose any sleep over it and hope he doesn't either.
Some people are sensitive, some aren't. If I want to send someone a Valentine's card, I simply do it.
You feeling lonely on V day...
Happy Valentine's Day to you too!
Ah, my sparring partner again. I have been wanting to ask you:
Are you from Georgia that is part of the USA or Georgia that was part of the former Soviet Union?
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I guess one has to understand the British/South-African history to find this funny.
You planning to visit me.....
I knew you were obsessed with me.....
Thank you. This is the first time I see you. Welcome to my blog and if you are new here, welcome to cS. I hope to see you around more often.