What happened to romance in dating?

I recently say this question on another dating site's forum for dating over 45 years old. Some of this applies to you young'uns, but some doesn't. FYI I'm 64 and a widower.

Here's what I think about it. And I fully expect to get a lot of posts telling me I'm wrong, so go for it. All I ask is to be respectful. It's ok to disagree. It's not ok to insult someone you disagree with.


Romance is an illusion. It's physical attraction. It's a game we've been taught to play to justify our s*xual attraction to each other.
It's really just another word for lust, but we sugar coat it in sweet terms. It's romance novels, Wuthering Heights, Cinderella, and hundreds of Hollywood fantasies that we've come to accept as real. It's an intoxicating feeling, the release of chemicals in the brain.

Case in point. Every romance novel ever written. At some point, the bad boy rogue or anti-hero, grabs the woman, and kisses her strongly, (supposedly against her will) and she just melts in his arms. That's not romance, baby. That's pure lust.

Love is NOT that butterfly feeling you get in your stomach, or warm fuzzies you get when you cuddle with someone, it's not the weak knees you get when you kiss...that's not love. That's chemistry.

Falling in love, is not love. Love grows when two people recognize in each other the traits that define love:
compassion, forgiveness, caring for others, a giving spirit, the joy and sometimes heartache of shared experiences, good and bad, the desire to please each other in every way. If those things don't exist, love doesn't grow, which is why 50% or more marriages fail. They are founded on an illusion.

Love is the feeling you get when you give her flowers without a reason and you get joy from seeing the look on her face.

Love is baking a cake for her birthday that comes out looking like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the two of you laugh about it till you cry.

Love is giving because you know in giving you receive.

Love is friendship carried to the nth degree.

Love is like a new pair of shoes that you really like, and even though they pinch a little now and then, eventually they stretch and become the most comfortable shoes you own. And no matter how many soles or heels you have to replace, you're not giving up those shoes.

Love is doing what she wants to do because you know that next time she'll do what you want to do.

I can confidently say these things because I was with a woman for 10 years. She was my caring, loving, giving, intelligent, funny, sassy, wisecracking, friend, lover, playmate, and partner in crime. And I held her hand and kissed her goodbye and closed her eyes forever as she died of breast cancer in my living room 9 years ago. Granted, 10 years isn't a lifetime, but it certainly felt that way.