things not to say to a police officer
You may just get one to smile or a quick trip to the pokey with one of these:Is that your nightstick, or are you just happy to see me?
Wow, those cruisers must be really fast for you to catch me. I must have been going about 130.
Really, officer, there is nothing of interest hidden in the upholstery of my car.
That's a really nice gun. Wanna see mine? (Then reach for it really fast.)
I'll bet I can take you.
You guys all take bribes, right? How much?
You drive like my grandma.
Nice uniform. Says, "Village People" to me.
I was just going with the flow of traffic ... across the median like that.
I don't have breath on my beer, ossiffer.
How about I just buy two hundred tickets to the Policeman's Ball? You can mail them to me.
Listen, I'm really good friends with the President of the United States, so why don't we just forget about this whole thing, okay?
Smell? Oh, um, there was a piece of rope caught fire inside the car, that's all.
Those beer bottles? They were open when I bought them.
I can get out of those stupid handcuffs faster than you can say, 'Houdini.'
Nice haircut. You look like Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise.
What are you, deaf? I said I was not speeding.
Nice boots. Do they come in mens?
And you don't have to worry, I have nothing hidden in any of my orifices.
Comments (1)
1st Officer: "Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?"
2nd Officer: "Who?"
1st Officer: "Janet Jackson!"
2nd Officer: "What she do, was she speeding?"
1st Officer: "Nah, she had one headlight out."
LAPD
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"