I give up – I will never understand men

I don’t understand men, and where in blazes is the handbook? How can we have evolved alongside each other for hundreds of thousands of years and not have a CLUE? I don't even understand my male friends any more.

My brother was full of advice. “Always tell the truth, say what’s on your mind, and tell a man what you want, we’re not psychic.”

Yeah, THAT worked. We fell out a few years back and he hasn’t spoken to me since. Family inheritances cause way more trouble than they’re worth, by the way. Cut your kids out, leave the money to charity.

Without him there to translate men to me I gave them a wide berth for some years. That all changed in 2014 through a series of events and by the time 2015 crawled out its nappy I was with a man who was so violently, passionately and intensely in love it was frankly unnerving. Because I don’t understand men at all I thought he was in love with me but turned out he was violently, passionately and intensely in love with my pedestal and one day I suddenly had a lot of time on my hands.

A casual long-term friend of mine was going through a breakup and we joked that we would date each other until we’d got used to be being single again. He’s pure rocket-scientist, complicated, difficult, and 15 years younger, nicely distracting, but then that got intense as well. Ohhhhh no. No more intense, thanks. We did eventually struggle back to the more comfortable status of friends (phew) and I said that’s it, not again.

Then I met a third man (I know. IN A YEAR. It’s raining men) funny, generous, wicked, and tailor-made for me - and for the next year he will be working in some fairly peculiar and VERY distant parts of the world.

So I’m officially handing in my lipstick. That’s my new year resolution – giving up on men, instead focusing on good works, and becoming rich, successful and uncomplicatedly happy. Well, that’s the idea. So if any one of you see me flirting here on CS, just wag a finger at me and point me back at this blog. Deal?

Ta.