How well did you know?
I cannot help but wonder, what sort of person was I really with for 13 years? Not that I really care but if they are completely a different person, ...like I said, it makes me wonder.I do not follow what my ex does. I only wish her the best in life. However, I do talk to her from time to time (primarily around special events like birthdays and holidays) and we are still friends. So I hear a little about her life that way. In addition, I am originally from a small town where everyone knows what color crap you did and at what time.
When my ex and I were together, we raised her son, visited the families, and did vacations. I think that is what most normal families do. She seemed like a nice lady throughout those years.
She did come from a broken family where it seems that she was the least liked. Her only other sibling was a sister whom was spoiled. Not to get into too many details, my ex was kicked out of her home by her mother and step-father. But today, they have overcome those differences are now on a friends level.
Now to the part where I wonder what sort of person I was with. I remember her telling me that she could not understand why people would get tattoos and she would never get any. Well, today, she has tattoos. When we were together, if we drank once or twice a year, that was heavy drinking. Now she drinks every weekend. To top it off, she is now good friends with a biker gang and hangs out with them on a weekly basis.
I also heard from friends of mine that she has a restaining order out against her from the father of her second child.
Hmmm.....what???....who?? I never would have guessed she was that type of woman.
anyway...
I bring this up because I just heard another story that is similar to mine. I had a close friend who was a cop. He caught his wife texting several different men and that was the extent of the information he wanted to tell me. They ended up getting a divorce. I know a friend of his and we met up when I was on vacation. He told me that the cop's ex-wife is now dating an ex-prisoner. The ex-prisoner was recently caught stealing people's lunch boxes at work for their prescription pills. I guess people put their pills in their lunch boxes.
But anyway....I thought it was interesting. How well did you know the person you spent a lot of time with and found out different after you broke up?
Comments (51)
I just walked in the door for a minute here. I will think about that. Good info. :)
I know she was bossy though.
No? Just me? Oops.
I may ask you to delete ALL of my comments.
If you do not, you have not learned anything from life.
Relationships are part of life, a major part.
Relationships can make you grow or stagnate.
If you are stagnating in a relationship, or feel like you have to live up to some expectations, there is a good chance you will let rip when you escape that stagnation,
Other people mature and calm down their wildness when they are in the right relationship. They have been there, done that, and now feel secure enough to let it behind.
But there is always change and growth.
Thanks for your fun comments. :)
you are saying,"Actually I believe you only really learn a person when you break up!"
Rolf
Why worry about what people turn or change to. Its when they are with you that counts, and if they are Ex, means something wasnt right anyway.
people change, I believe I've changed, I'm no longer that naive, shy, quiet and sane person I was a decade ago...people grow, some in a positive way, some in a negative way...experiences have a lot to do with that.
Same with a bad quality, like meanness. That will stay even if they win the lotto.
Go for the innate good qualities you cherish, and you will not go wrong.
you have to be a good guy and your Ex had almost sure problems to live up to your way of straight life....I have similar examples,where my ex was diving after the separation and I believe they was in a stress situation,when showing me good example,they where to weak to go on with it for longer and when our relationship broke down,they dived deeper than ever.....I think it has much to do with disappointment about them self and then they don't care so much anymore....
Rolf
I once heard....similar to what you state with innateness. If a person has a wild nature, there will be a good chance that wild nature will never leave them.
I cannot believe I almost missed your comment.
That is what I am starting to see here. But it seems as if when people change, they change 180 degrees....at least that major change is more common than I thought.
So instead of being sane, you are now insane? I never got that from you.
You bring up an interesting thought there....about them feeling bad toward themselves. I wondered the same about that.
I wonder if we have any candid women here who can confirm or deny that?
It has been nearly 6 years we have been apart. Again, I really wish her the best in life and it does not make a difference to me how she wants to spend her life. But the huge change in character with her and my friend's ex-wife makes me wonder if there is something to learn here.
Nope. We take our privacy Very Seriously.
I will say (and you knew I would say something) that my husband was an extremely good guy, very worthy, and a tad dull. When I left I did kick over the traces for a year or two, he probably thought much as you did, what the hell was I married to? But I had been worthy and dull for about 10 years and I needed a stretch.
We're still friends. May be more accurate to say we are still family. In fact most years I go there for Christmas, but it's an 8 hour drive, it has to be a loooong Christmas break!
Can I ask you, dull in what ways? Just with the whole relationship...day to day things...or in the sack....or all of those above?
You'll have to buy my memoirs. I just have a few more exciting adventures to work in first, the book should be on the best-seller lists in, hmmm, 2020?
Working on it
And just noticed the time. Night all.
All I can say is I didn't know him too well, but then I was very young and I didn't know my own self well either.
People evolve...some for the better and then some go astray...your ex appears to have chosen the latter...so in saying that...you shouldn't question your time with her...you knew her as she was and when you broke up...she probably entering a new phase...or way of being...not anybody's fault just life!!
I doubt you are regretting the break up now...
Do we ever really know anyone so well? At times we all can surprise even ourselves at some of the things we do, that we at one time or another, thought we would never do.
I've seen couples together as BF & GF for a long time, then when they got married, it all fell apart.
Yet, other couples I've known, hardly knew much about each other, had spent little time together before getting married and their marriages have lasted and lasted.
So, as I've said before, love is a mystery, just as life itself is a mystery.
That being said, the only thing certain in life is "nothing is certain." All people, all things are susceptible to change. But then again, as an old song says, "The more things change, the more they stay the same."
Just my 2 cents of opinion, which I won on a slot machine last week.
Have a cool fun day!
Thanks for stopping in. :)
Yes. I have seen this....evolution first hand. :) Without a doubt, I have no regrets. Still wish her the best, but I am glad I am not living with her.
Thanks L.L.
I noticed that new pic you added on your profile. Heck, you're going to have all the ladies here chasing after you, once they see it. You've got the "tough guy" movie star look.
I gotta do a pic like that sometime soon.