Dating Advice

Yes, it is ridiculous. Just as ridiculous as falling in love with anyone else that you met anywhere else. Love is time-consuming, exhausting, dangerous, often expensive, and usually counter-productive. Of course it is ridiculous.


But I happen to like "ridiculous". It makes life that much more interesting. And, well, possible. If nothing ridiculous ever happened, I highly doubt the human race would survive. Every one of us here is the product of someone else's "ridiculous" decision. Some say "love is blind", but how many times have you pursued someone only because you thought they were beautiful or handsome? You didn't know anything else about them, so you imagined it. You fell in love with your idea of them before you even knew who they were. Maybe you spent some time together, made some small talk, saw a flick or two, jumped into bed with them, and then all of a sudden you decided you know them and you love them. Ha! What did you really know? Then you got all upset when they didn't turn out the way imagined them to be, so you fled, called them names, sobbed, drank, swore to never let it happen again, picked yourself up, dusted yourself off, and eventually moved on to some other ridiculous pursuit. I would imagine this formula works the same way whether you met that person online or in 'real life'. When you fall in love you are living in a fantasy, that is all. It's fun, isn't it?
The nice thing about chatting with them online is you have a chance to express your thoughts openly and develop a rapport (as opposed being clammed up and nervous from being in their presence, which often happens when there is a strong level of attraction there), and if you decide to "fall in love" with them based on that, well at least you know it's not just for the sex (unless all you chatted about was the sex. Which is cool too. No judging!) IMHO, friendship is more sustainable than lust. If you can combine them both, you're laughing. The flipside? You don't know about the sex yet. You don't even know if you can stand the way they smell. But these kinks (tee-hee! no pun intended..) you may be able to work out with a little cologne and plenty of communication, trying different angles, etc... If you have won each other over on an intellectual level, that's an excellent start.
Of course, as many others have warned you already, be careful. Try to make sure the person you are interacting with is who they claim to be (as if that were ever possible - in 'real life', as with the internet.) Just to be on the safe side, keep your personal information, credit card numbers, passwords and such to yourself. Don't send money. If travelling, stay in a hotel rather than a stranger's house (if you can't afford a hotel, do not travel). This should be common sense but it's worth mentioning. Try a video chat session to see if they are really the person in the picture before you get your hopes up. You will never be completely safe in this world (ever), but you can at least try to be cautious. (There is "ridiculous" and then there is "stupid".)


We are all some sort of unsolved mystery. Even after all the pink smoke clears and our flaws become so much more apparent, you still can't possibly know all there is to know. We have secrets, skeletons in our closets yet to come out, and we can change and do the unexpected at any given moment. This change may even come as a result of our relationship with you. You'll never really know what you're going to get (or lose), regardless of the medium used to find us. (insert spooky theme music here).

Marianne Baker, a woman