Dating When Over Sixty.

Ok ladies, this is where you get off the bus again. This is for men only. I know a few cheated last time by slipping in by the back door, but this time there will be a short arm inspection. The devil help those who are caught without a decent piece. Of course, you’re still welcome to comment. You never read the blogs in any way.

Hey you, with the snooker table legs! I know who you are, get out!

Now guys, today we’ll be discussing a dating kit for those over 60. If you’re not 60 yet, don’t go away, you’ll be here with us sooner than you think.

Let’s face it guys, we are well beyond our use before date and therefore we are going to need a few things to pave the way in case we should accidentally stumble into a woman stupid (or drunk) enough to be interested in us. When the occasion arises, we need to be prepared. There are a few things that we’re going to need.

I know some women like bald heads, but when it is full of wrinkles and creases, they will like it no more. Get a decent hair piece. One that sits tight that will not be blown off by the fan. Remember, she will, in all probability, be getting hot flushes.

Women don’t like a man to sit with a mouth full of teeth, but when there is nothing in there, they won’t like it either. Be sure to have a full set of well fitting dentures. We don’t want them to fall out when you laugh or cough, do we?

Then you will need a walking stick. Get one of those with the hook on top - like a shepherd’s staff. It serves a double purpose. It will be invaluable if you need to traverse one or two staircases to reach her dwellings and once there, it can be used to haul her closer if she sits too far away. She can probably outrun you.

A collapsible glass is another essential item so you can take your cholesterol and HBP medication in the bathroom without her knowing. This is very important. Never ask her for a glass to take medication. Women don’t like sickly men. If she should notice you popping tabs, tell her it is vitamin tablets. The glass can also be used for your dentures once the light is off. Oh yes, take care to swallow the Viagra tablet fast, otherwise you will be sitting with a stiff neck all night.

And have two or three condoms in your pocket. Women don’t like to use them but she will feel very special to know that you always use them when you date other woman. *!Wishful thinking, methinks!*

Right, that is about it. If you can think of something else that can make our lives easier, let me know. Just remember, this is not a ‘Larry' adventure game where everything can fit into the pockets. Grand! The ladies will be joining us in the next paragraph, so I’m trying to think what to say to get their attention away from the rest of the blog.

Hi Ladies, it is so nice to have you back. Don’t worry, you missed nothing. We were just talking politics.

Now enjoy your day and be prepared. I may happen today.