It Depends On How Much It Weighs!
So, you’re planning to throw your things together. You are in love with one another, you share the same values, you have a lot of other things in common, and all important issues like finances, accommodation, baggage, etc are also sorted out.
Every thing seems to be honky dory. But is it enough?
The questions to ask yourself are: If the two of you were not in love, could you have been best friends? And: Would you have been able to remain best friends for the rest of your life? If the answer to any of these two questions is ‘no’ then don’t do it. It may seem trivial questions, but there is something that keeps best friends together; something that is almost always overlooked by lovers.
It is all good and well to have a lot of small things in common, but what about the things you don’t have in common? Is there going to be any issues around that? Those are the things that will cause the problems. You may love sailing while your partner gets seasick if you just talk about the sea, and your partner may love dancing while you hate it, knowing that you are a disaster on legs.
Right, you may both decide to sacrifice your favorite activity to solve the problem.
Wait!
That is where the problems begin! Such sacrifices are never made by friends. They simply don’t become best friends because they do not have enough in common. Such compromises may work in the short term but after a while one or both parties will yearn back and will feel deprived and that is where the rot will start.
Similar interests may not be enough. The overlap in interests must be in the right areas. A thousand less important common interests can be offset by one single important thing not in common. It all depends on how much it weighs.
Happy women's day to all of you ladies. And guys, you enjoy it too!
Comments (29)
What The Hail! This Have To Do With Women's Day?
By The Way! Happy Women's Day To You Bob____
PS. Be Back Later!
It's A Me Time___
I have piece with Women's day. I'm a man.
Have a nice Day.
Sacrifices Is must.
To keep your Friendship
With Women or Men.
If 99.99/ things are Common.
ONE PERCENT UN COMMONESS WILL
CREATE BIG PROBLEMS.
STAY BLESSED.
I liked catching them, Mum not.
Mum liked peeling them, me not.
I liked eating them, Mum not.
Therefore it seems that I should be looking for a prawn peeler who won't eat the goodies.....
A partner should also be your best friend.
I have always sat myself down and asked (after years being with someone and the "forever" question coming up) if I can see myself spending the rest of our life together, bringing up children and can rely 100% on this person.
Never had issues with interests or compromises from my side. We had a lot of things in common and I'm fairly self-sufficient and don't need someone around to do things all the time. Had also no problems taking someone else into account - but that sentiment wasn't returned when things got tough. Have walked away twice.
I have never had to give up an activity for the sake of a friend. Friendship will develop spontaneously between people with similar interests. Those with conflicting interests will automatically drift apart.
If a friend tells me that I have to give up something if I want to be his friend, I'll laugh at him. Yet, when a lover demands the same, we are mostly all too willing to do it. I think that is a mistake. If two lovers are not happy with each other as they are, they don't belong.
It would seem that we have enough in common to be friends. I love prawns.
Compromises are ok around the unimportant things. They do not matter, but the important stuff is a problem.
I like playing pool, chess and bridge. If a girlfriend demands that I give it up, it will be no problem. It's not that important to me.
However, if she ask me to choose between her and hunting or fishing, I'll tell her: "Honey, I'm going to miss you!"
Even if I should be so daft to agree, I know that I will not keep to it.
Yep, living together for a year or two is a good eye-opener.
But, tell me the truth - what are you so afraid of having to give up for her?
No, this blog does not have any bearing on my life. I was just pondering in general when I decided to put it on paper.
I won't ask anybody to give something up for my sake. I think it is selfish and if somebody should as me to do it, I may if it is not that important to me. But I will see red lights flashing all over, wondering what will be next.
I have friends nd now we are
Friends for last 45/35/years.
We have different interests but
We are Friends up till now.
It will remain till out last Breath.
I lov my friends nd we sacrifice our
Interests for each other.
Then good for you.
I prefer friends with the similar interests. but that does not mean that we share all interests. The more interests shared, the closer is the friendship.
I have a different circle of friends for most activities. One of my friends are part of almost every circle. It should come as no surprise that he is also my best friend. He does not play bridge, so he is not in that circle of friends. Though we have been friends for almost sixty years (since before we went to school), he would not dream of telling me to give up playing bridge.
On the other hand, he flies pigeons, which does not interest me at all. I'd be daft to tell him to stop his hobby.
But, were not talking friends here, were talking about lovers thinking about making a permanent bond.
I'm happy very happy to
Know you friendship nd friends
Are lasting for sixty years.
Thts wht friendship Is.
For lovers even the interest is
Same but only last for months or
Year in my view now a days.
Eight of my closer friends have been my friends when we were still in school. Most from high school, a few since primary school while two comes from preschool days.
And most their wives have been known to me since school days as well. most of us studied at the same institution. A brotherhood that stood the test of time. And I think much of it has to do with not trying to monopolize the other.
As I read your comment, I knew exactly how I was going to reply to you... and then you said it yourself in your last passage,
There are so many permutations, it is unreal.
You are a lucky Person.
And I'm too.
Stay Blessed nd Healthy.
Indeed! And none of us had ever expected the other to give up anything for our own sake. We help each other where we can without demanding anything in return. We tolerate the shortcomings in one another. And that is the ingredient that lovers don't have in their relationships. Tolerance.
My father had his cataracts removed and I must fetch him. We can't have the old battleaxe waiting, cam we?
I'll be back somewhat later.
As you say, similar interests is not quite enough. I have found that after a while I was the one who had to make certain sacrifices -like giving up my French or Spanish friends because he couldn´t understand, certain activities (meditation and the like), giving up having my own space etc. which I could do while he was busy reading or playing bowls, or visiting his own friends, and even time table regarding meal times and also my vegetarian diet!
When you´re young you can adapt to each other and grow together. However, when older, you are much more settle in your own ways, why should you give it up?... for love? And why should it be only a one-way street?
It is as they say. You cannot teach an old dog new tricks.
That's friendship.
What you said about.
Stay Blessed
Goodenuph
You will find that sharing your bed is a very satisfying deed.
thank you and all the same to you!