Dating someone who has children
In most cases it would be a woman looking for a man.It’s obvious that the woman and her kids come as a package and you would need to complement the divorced or single parent’s life.
It’s more than likely they may have some trust issues so perhaps a lot of patience is needed for the relationship to reach a comfortable level, however if you really like the person then they would certainly be worth the wait.
So those Women who have children, what are you looking for in a new partner?
Comments (45)
I would think such women would want security and a father for their kids.
Daniela, They would in most circumstances have a Father, whether he is around a lot or not, A new partner in these circumstances could surely not be a Father to the children but perhaps a Father Figure.
But in some cases the father might not even be alive..or he's left and doesn't want anything to do with his kids.
so overall a good partner to show love across the board coz with love comes everything
I would expect an acceptance that my children's needs may come before our own....a certain amount of selflessness. If the potential partner is demanding and selfish of all my time, then it simply wouldn't work.
If he thinks he will be a father figure, he can forget it immediately, as they had a very bad abusing father to them and me.
Money:- I think we live very well on my income alone.
Relocation:- Not happening at all.
I don't have children but started fairly recently to date someone with kids.
He is a devoted father and the kids come first. I know that and I know that his time is limited. My siblings are both parents and divorced, so I know how hard it is for everyone involved. He comes as a package, it's early days and we are first of all seeing how the 2 of us are getting on before we even think further along the lines. The kids have a mother. It's a big change in all their lives and I notice how important it is for him to have someone to talk to and get a bit of "normality" back.
I know there are other cases out there, but to protect my kids from getting emotionally confused, I would move very carefully into a relationship with somebody who can't cope with my children...
Kariena, You say most men think of kids as baggage, I do hope we get some comments from men stating why.
Seri, You say that any new partner would not be involved in your kids lives at all, what if things got serious?
We both know that if we dating somebody and it's going direction serious , the deal would be to communicate and working things out to deliver consistency and emotional security for the kids.Nothing less.
Pat, been cooking something in your shed?
If it took precedence early in the new relationship, the children would feel hurt, unsettled and excluded.
And if that relationship did not work out, then it would just happen all over again with the next relationship, leading to longterm damage to the kids.
Suffice to say, they made my life hell. Their fathers life hell. They would phone all over the weekend [knowing I stayed at weekends] and eventually attacked me as I was 'not a substitute for their 6years dead mother' . I can only tell you that i was extremely nice to them all, and their kids too. I kept my mouth shut alot when I felt like screaming. The 11pm calls for 'Dad can you come over and bring this, bring that' they seemed to lean on him alot but it was the animosity toward me.
Basically they didnot like the fact their Dad was madly in love with another woman. He found it very upsetting and ignored my suggestion to speak with them and tell them I wasnot trying to take the place of their mother.... and that I made him happy, but his weakness was that he couldnot .
Eventually it got so bad, I left, Broken hearted. I would think twice now, the adult children would need to be very adult, fairly mentally stable. It's a tough one. I think Children would have been better.
It should be incumbent on the part of a single parent to consciously seek a new partner who exhibits the qualities we both seem to recognize as being beneficial to the kids.
(S)he simply must have different criteria than they did when they were childless.
And then they should plainly lay it out so all involved understand the nature of the blended family.
That should satisfy the acknowledged security needs of the kids.
As has been observed, 'The best thing a man can do for a woman's kids is to love their mother.'
Of course, a single parent who becomes involved with an utterly selfish personality, one who regards the children as rivals for the parent's attention, might be making a major mistake IMO.
Unfortunately, people don't always think as clearly as they might concerning affairs of the heart.
I suspect our views are actually quite similar.
So I kept my distance..but looking back..their dad was their dad and i was an extension to the family..but I always kept my distance. Inevitably it killed our relationship as the kids do come first, so I left, so in essence it was my distance that destroyed the relationship we had...
Dad moved back in, they got remarried and had another kid..and they are all very happy..so in the end a good choice for all.
What I see is that you get married..have kids..lose what you had between you before you had the kids..argue..split up and mums then spend their years looking after kids..kids grow up and then mums feel they now want a man..coz they are not constantly looking after young kids...seen so much of this.
Mums breed...dont have time for their hubby coz life stressful..kick out husband...or husband has an affair coz he's needy..There are few men that will take on mums with kids..its bloody hard. I was lucky in that the dad was a decent bloke..thats why she remarried him..
What's very important is that we save time for the 2 of us to continue to appreciate each other. That's crucial for someone who doesn't yet understand the concept of having your own kids. No relationship should be overwhelming. But with effort, and time, and compromise, and appreciation, and LOVE I do think the relationship stands a great chance of working out.
While money could be necessary, it fades it comparison to every other need of such relationship
I have an 11 years old son, his father adores him, spoils him a lot but can be a handful he's a good kid.
My BF has no kids, wanted to be a part of my kid's life in the beginning, I tried not to involve my son in our relationship. He knows my son comes first. They talk on the phone, he tells my son to listen to me...they met for a weekend last Christmas, he tried to act like he's my son's dad, my son likes him and listens to him but I was a little worried about his "disciplinary" ways towards my son.
Crazyheart, Sounds like its working for you but you still have a few worries, only natural.
Yes, it's working for me but can't help worrying that my kid might not like it if he turns to be more "disciplinary" more than he should. He has no experience with kids and he has tough personality, I try to understand that and I know he cares about my son too. My son is excited to see him soon...so all is good