Relationship Killers
Most problems in a relationship can be tackled as a couple but some problems are troublesome and sometimes impossible to fix. The main ingredients for a happy relationship are mutual respect and communication. Without that no relationship can endure.
Mutual Contempt
If left unchecked, contempt will erode the very foundation of your relationship. Contempt is so bad, it has been identified it as the single best forerunner of divorce. If one or both partners are unwilling to soften and stop fighting, the problem will get worse until there is no coming back.
Never Wrong
You will not always agree with each other. Agree to disagree. As a couple, you need to realize that no one wins when one of you always has to be right. This is made worse by the inability to forgive and by a refusal to discuss the issue further.
Chronic Infidelity
Being in a relationship with a serial cheater is frustrating. The relationship can only be repaired if the unfaithful partner is honest about what happened and fully prepared to leave the affair behind.
Secrecy
Time apart is essential but there should be no mystery about it. There is a difference between privacy and secrecy. A relationship needs sharing and openness.
Incompatible Sex Drives
For most people, a mutually fulfilling sex life is incredibly important. Establish your sexua1 compatibility early on. This is a true killer.
Incompatible Attachment Styles
If you like being close and intimate, but your partner is avoidant and dismissive, there will be problems. It undermines your self-esteem to be with someone who shows you no affection or compliments, engages in mechanical sex and has no desire for closeness with you.
Narcissism
If your partner is truly narcissistic, maintaining your relationship is going to be an uphill battle. Nothing you do will be good enough and most of the time you will be criticized for making life miserable.
Cannot Open Up
You need to lay bare your problems and frustrations. It’s problematic if one of you prefers to keep your emotions bottled up. You will end up distancing yourself from your partner, giving up prematurely.
So, there you are, but none of this applies to you. It is your partner who has the problems.
May you have a wonderful day.
Comments (52)
All of these problems can be avoided by first knowing oneself and by second taking stock in the person who would be right for marriage (before the “potential spouse” is met and working his or her glamour to blind one). Knowing what hills to plant the flag and die on will not only identify where one feels the need to be always right but, consequently, also identifies the little molehills that can seem like hills turned into mountains that are best kept in their original perspective.
The physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and spiritual are all independent areas of a person that, taken as a whole, inform the kind of life this person will lead. Knowing what these are in ourselves, and, then, knowing the compatibility we seek, can only lead to the complement we seek in our mate.
Or, we can take the modern wisdom of relationship compromise and live our lives to separately and independently satisfy each compartment of our life. Thusly, one man needs a separate woman to slake each need, and I assume the same is true from the woman’s point of view.
True, all these problems can be avoided from the beginning, but at that time we are normally in love and blind for any flaws in our partners.
Our own flaws we conveniently ignore; if we are aware of them at all.
I more or less agree with your assessment and was it not for that mystical phenomena called love, it would have worked just perfect. But the chemicals of the mind does not work off a checklist. Somehow we mostly fall in love the the most impossible people.
Cat, relationships are hard work, so glad I'm single and can enjoy the peace of mind
Lack of commonalities is another one. You have to have a certain amount of shared interests, goals and standards to survive as a couple. That doesn't mean you have to do everything together, or never spend time apart, but there has to be enough for you to want to spend time together.
Lack of fun and laughter would be another big thing for me. If I don't enjoy the relationship and spending time with the person, what is the point?
I too enjoy being single. Being single does not mean being lonely. I have been single for at least 30 (interrupted) years of my adult life. You get into a routine, but sometimes something lacks. And that something has been eluding me all my life.
If getting into something level-headed and not "desperate" should help to recognise incompatibilities as well.
Selfishness and lying is something that imo makes relationships fail - that incl. lying to themselves or not being aware of what someone is able to bring (or not) into a relationship.
Exactly! Why spend time together if you don't enjoy it. Your lover is suppose to make you happy, not sad.
Hmm, most problems surface early. If we nip it in the bud then, we will not have the need to use an axe later, but somehow we sometimes persist, hoping that it will rectify itself. Regrettably it never does.
I was never single for long periods throughout my adult hood ,as I did believe that being in a relationship would be the way, to live a sastifying lifestyle.
Finding myself so much more content now.
Cat, because you like meat doesn't mean you can't become a vegetarian
When you're in love you get into the strangest relationships.
When last were you in love?
I think love takes time and I like to take my time before I get into something. Not everyone I met I fell in love with as well.
Hmm, we have a difference in terminology. When I say 'single' it may also be in a relationship. To me, the word 'single' means not living together.
Ah well, an 'infatuation' and 'being in love' is often used interchangeably. No, I was not talking about love in the real sense. I referred to that chemical reaction that temporary relocate our brains to our groins.
Ok, but does it have to come with all the red tape? Why must everything be in triplicate and with a black pen using block letters?
I'm going to ask CS to verify your gender. You sound too much like a male now. Most women see those two as the same thing.
Welcome back in our midst. I (and I'm sure many others) missed you. Is everything settled at home now?
because we all are concerned about the small print
But there is never any small print on these dreaded forms. All they want is information which in most cases they already have.
This is what I like most about our new tax return forms. Only three question other than your name and IRS number.
How much tax did you pay?
How much do you have left for yourself?
Why so much?
Simple and easy.
Quite so! I treasure my own company. Sometimes I even laugh at my own jokes. Providing I did not tell it before.
of giving false information on the tax declaration form as much as the ones of a failed relationship .
Thanks for your concern and support.
Rules are made to be broken. Have you seen how they are broken here. I'm a sticker for rules but here I too break them from time to time.
I'm sorry to hear. Know that I think of you during these difficult times.
that is the crux of the matter: Shared values and shared ideals.
In general no. but when I enter the domain of another I follow their rules as I expect them to follow my rules when they enter my domain. In Rome I do as the Romans do.
I seldom waste too much time on things that annoys me.
But why get involved with somebody you don't like in the first place. When I'm haunted by the such, I run for the hills.
Actually I'm a very poor poker player. My face gives me away. I involuntary make it known when I don't like somebody and the get the message very quickly.