Ambivalence
I struggle with the notion of being in a "serious" relationship. I am a person who needs alone time and a fair amount of it. Albert Einstein recognized that creativity can not flourish in an environment of constant external stimulation. And I am nothing if not a creative type.The last relationship I was in, we were both people who needed alone time as well as deep connection time. Problem was, he wanted alone time when I wanted connection time, and vice versa. It felt like a constant battle of wills. So, can one find a partner who is similar in their emotional needs as well as in the timing of those needs? I have no idea.
I am working in an environment now where I get as much social interaction as I could possibly need, but lately (maybe 6 weeks or so), because of the particular personalities of the people who have been staying here, I feel like I have socialitis... serious overload. I hide out in my sanctuary and that keeps me sane, but it's not like having a place to myself. Someone is always just around the corner, so to speak, and if they catch me, I get to hear another hour long story about their lives.
So, finally, it looks like I will get a few days to do whatever I please. I am rapidly feeling a sensation of bliss.
I feel bad for people who have expectations of me. I'm not able to meet those expectations and I'm afraid I'm pissing some folks off.
Any commiseration is greatly appreciated.
Comments (49)
2.
a : continual fluctuation (as between one thing and its opposite)
b : uncertainty as to which approach to follow
ambivalentplay \-l?nt\ adjective
ambivalently adverb
I'm in the process of selling my business cause at my age it's beginning to take a toll on me.
I do enjoy going out with friends...catching up....agood natter...afew drinks....
Then goodbye..and back into my world...
I'm not a good guest....because i can't and won't talk till the cows come home....
I just enjoy doing my thing....and when i fancy abit of social interaction...i have good people i contact....
Living in a world of incessant chatter....no thanks....give me a good book anyday......
Lucy, I am getting better and better at just saying 'no'. I still have the twinge of guilt thing though.
Track, I hope you find the person most in synch with you on every level.
Map, thanks so much for being understanding re : my quirkiness.
Ccincy, I'm feeling like some of your mom's soup would be so wonderful right about now.
I came to the same conclusion long time ago - having some "alone" time and "connection" time.
After some deep soul searching I realised that I couldn´t live with someone 24/7 so, to compromise and get the best of both worlds, the solution is...
to live separately so you can have both have the "alone" time, at the same time and...
when you both feel you want a "connection" time, then you get together until it´s time to part again.
Then everybody is happy ever after..
I'm like you. I have this irritating need to have balance in every area of my life. lol
I like to have my quiet time and, to tell you the truth, I enjoy my horses more and more as I don´t have to have lengthy conversations with them - although I talk and sing to them - but they don´t argue and do not have expectations - apart from the usual carrots and apples - and are easy to please.
Mind you, I also know such people (men too!) who feel the same.
Yes, it´s like Heaven but... I have to find it first.
Glad to see you are still with us.
Thank god for 'me' time.
The difference to the situation I was in 18 months ago and now is really remarkable.
But living by myself has a downside too. Oviously there is the loneliness at times.
So, a balance is good. Some lovely company is wonderful and some alone time is also wonderful.
Bit too much of the latter these days, so if anyone cares to come on round, you are welcome!
If anything, I have an aversion to being "normal". lol
Whew! I just got home from a workout. Lifting weights, jogging and lots of strenuous work. I'm taking off my shirt now, my body is perspiring and shiny, my muscles are firm. Ahh, I think I'll slowly take it all off now and take a shower. I'd go on and tell you more, but you need your YOU time, and I would only bore you with my long talk of what I'm doing right now.
just kidding.
You're a real sweety.
I wish you a nice day.
Lol
That said, Robert, why not have a current pic? You in some kind of witness protection program?
Anyways, have a nice day Gypsy and Blue.
The blogs are always better with you two around.
Sincerely.
For a year or more I raved about LDRs as being the perfect solution, a full-on week here and there together (we can all manage a week, right?) and for the rest of the time just chatting on skype, ideal, but turns out relatively few people are temperamentally suited to it.
There IS a perfect solution out there. I've always rather fancied a community of kindred spirits with their own doors which they can firmly close when they've had enough but lots of social when they're back in gregarious mode, but finding that set-up is proving the tricky part.
Your few days will be bliss, enjoy
I think that what you described is pretty much what CS is to many of us. But we are missing the touch...the physical communion, as it were.
Thank you for the well wishes. I'm going to come and go as I please and do nothing or do a lot....ahhhh. I love these sacred days of me time.
I jaunt off a few times a year with a coach of total strangers, no history no stories all out to have good time in there own way. Its good.
Both must exchange each other's keys to unlock each other's soul so both can flourish within them.
Relationships rely on that flourishment, and should deprivation prevail leaves but two choices--walk away or use that key again.
This is no easy feat when living in a disposable relationship society...many forget they're holding that precious key, very few continue to use it while the rest no longer care.
Be one of the few.
My alone time is when I am not at work.
Communication is key. Also, though, each party must be self-responsible. If communication is about one person blaming the other, or one person making promises they can't/won't keep? Makes for a rocky road after awhile.
I gave the last one the old college try. I'm ready for some fun and willing to wait for a relationship that isn't all work. :)
...or, I'm sure I'll work out how to be alone and happy with no thoughts of yearning for "the right one".
So, I got out of the hermitage and am now basically living with different people every few days. I kind of threw myself out of seclusion in an intense way! lol
It's been good. I was getting to the point where I could see myself never talking to anyone new again, except for online. Yikes!
I'm sure a new level of understanding will want to be birthed at some point. But for now, I'm feeling...New people, New fun, New experiences.
Hmmm yep, I know it's not necessarily easy.
That way we can both share good times together but both be able to have our own space when we need it.
I don't want an LDR or a part-time relationship. Been there, done that. No regrets, but not going there again.
A live-in is not for me. I like to have my own space and relax. Myself and the dogs are perfectly happy. I am just missing that special person in my life.
I am lucky to have good friends and family I can call on when I need company, to stop being a total recluse
A happy medium of a solid presence in my life, but not crowding my life, would be perfect.
Now all I have to do is find him
I would be happy with a she shed in the back yard of the loverman's house.
Then you want fall into the trap of settling for less than you need, and being unhappy as a result.