My lesson today

Words of wisdom indeed, thank you Biff. I am okay with the truth, that has always been and always will be. It is the part of not believing, except for Santa Clause , that had been destroyed. Rather this person and I actually do go forward with ... Bliss ... Love ... Etc, the fact is, they have brought back that part of me that I couldn't, wouldn't, allow. The part of me not letting them down, is not to let myself down by going backwards and falling back into that pit of fear, preventing myself from being happy and actually possibly being truly loved back. This journey, no matter how long, or short, or the outcome, will be one that has taught me that I can be safe with another. I don't have to totally depend on myself and only hear my voice when I need to work through something. I don't have to 'fix' everything. And not all relationships start out all talk, nice, sweet, charming, blah blah...then become abusive. The day yesterday was extensive, extremely emotional for me. And not just for a couple of hours, many hours. I have never ever, not even from a parent, best friend, had anyone who actually stuck it out and didn't throw in stupid remarks, uncaring words, or the, 'you will get through it' and walk away. I was actually heard, responded to, and they broke through a wall that has been steady and strong for as far back as I can remember. I started building that wall when I was a child. I will be 56 years old tomorrow, that is a lot of years. And like the cobbler who's children had no shoes, a social worker (me), works to help others, avoiding themselves. No matter how much I fought them yesterday (and believe you me, I fought them hard), they stuck by my side. Tell me, is that normal? Is that really someone who is just trying to get my guard down so they can get what they seek? They didn't give up, they didn't walk away, they didn't just disappear and move on, they actually worked with me. They didn't tell me how I should be feeling (that alone floored me), instead they confirmed how I was feeling, they acknowledged it. That takes a lot of patients. And....here I am, blogging and going on and on . How many of you have not fully read, just skimmed through this after the first few sentences? That would be a normal reaction, that is not what they did. There is no 'raining on this parade', because it is what I have discovered inside of me, that is more important. And now comes the hard part of being aware of just how easy it would be for me to put my armor back on. I have my work cut out for me lol
Thank you Biff for responding and for your honesty.